A couple of months ago, we had a discussion here about Teens in the Blogosphere. That post is still one of my most highly viewed from the search engines.

Yet I feel completely inadequate to be any kind of authority on raising teenagers, since my own children are all much younger.

Since I know there’s a real need for wise advice on raising teens who have good character and love God, I asked author and speaker T. Suzanne Eller if she would come visit. And she said yes!

Let me tell you a little about T. Suzanne Eller (Suzie). She’s been married for 26 years and is the mom of three 20-something young adults. Not one to sit around an empty nest, Suzie is the author of three books, with two new books to be released in 2006 and five more in 2007!

Besides books, she has written over 500 articles for magazines such as Today’s Christian Woman, Pray!, Guideposts, Woman’s World, and numerous others. She has also published several essays in Chicken Soup books. Suzie is a nationwide ministry speaker to teens, parents of teens, and women. She’s an advocate for teens and family and has been featured on over 100 media programs such as Focus on the Family, Mid-Day Connection, Aspiring Women, KLove, Prime Time America, and many others.

In her spare time (haha), she’s a youth culture columnist, as well as a parenting teens columnist for CBN.com. You can reach T. Suzanne Eller at her website, Real Teen Faith. Her contact information is here.

Thanks so much for visiting us here at Mom 2 Mom Connection, Suzie! You’re an amazingly busy woman. In your book, Real Issues, Real Teens, you present such a positive view of today’s teens. It’s a refreshing viewpoint. Why do you feel there’s something special about this generation of teenagers?

They’re so open and honest — and intelligent. They’re also troubled, many of them, but that makes them very open to spiritual matters. They aren’t afraid to ask the tough questions or open their lives for inspection. Sometimes that puts people off — their honesty — but I love it!

Can you tell us how you went about writing this book?

I’m always amazed at speakers and writers who talk about what’s going on in youth culture and with teens, but who never actually spend any time with them. I don’t mean to be critical, but I think that underestimates what teens can bring to the conversation.

I wanted to write a book that was a collaboration between me and as many teens as I could talk with. It ended up being a nine-month conversation with hundreds of teens from around the nation.

A nine-month conversation. That sounds like an eye-opening experience!

It was. There were times when I would receive an e-mail or a survey and put my head down on my desk and weep. It’s that honesty again! I received an in-depth view of youth culture, family, relationships, church and faith, and more from a teen’s point of view. Some of it was heartbreaking.

Did your research and writing have an effect on you personally?

This conversation not only changed me as a youth worker, it changed me as a mom. One day I was reading something a teen had written and I saw myself in it. I sent an e-mail to my oldest daughter and apologized for something I had done her senior year. She responded with an e-mail saying, “Mom, it’s not a big deal, but the fact that you recognize that is so great!”

That sounds like the writing process itself was powerful. Have you always had a heart for working with teenagers?

I grew up in utter dysfunction. I didn’t believe in God, so when I was 15 and discovered faith, there were adults who poured into my life and taught me about God. They may never realize the extent to which they shaped my faith. They had no clue about the hardships I was facing at home. They simply loved me and pointed me toward Christ.

I wanted to do the same. I’ve been working with teens for over 18 years. I recently moved from a volunteer in the youth department (youth staff and discipleship) to discipleship leader for college age and twenty-somethings. We were graduating lots of teens each year who were in love with God, but who lost their way after they left.

Our church wanted to create a strong network for students after high school so now I’m helping with a Saturday night service and teaching discipleship on Sunday mornings. I miss my teens, but I love this new role.

Does your book offer any practical tools for parents of today’s teens?

Yes, it’s a practical book with step-by-step helps at the end of each chapter. It’s also an in-depth look at issues that matter to your teen. This book allows you to hear the heartbeat of teens. Here are just a few of the topics found in the book:

— Five reasons a teen doesn’t always talk, but what he/she would say if they could
— How to foster effective communication with your teen
— What you teach your teen about God – positive and negative – and what they say they need to make it in today’s culture as a believer
— A reality check over the pressures teens face and how badly they need a safe place to talk about them (and they want that to be mom or dad). This is an eye-opening chapter that EVERY parent needs to read.
— Five things that make home a great place to live – and the things that make it difficult
— How to mend broken relationships with a parent/teen
— How to have a GOOD fight
— How to really listen and freak out later
— And so much more. . .

I still have a few more years until I’ll have a houseful of teens, so I’m very glad to have people like you going before me clearing the path. Do you have any advice to encourage parents who are raising teens today?

The single greatest need of teens is acceptance. If they don’t find it at home, they’ll look for it at church. If they don’t find it at church, they’ll look for it with friends. If they don’t find it with friends they’ll keep looking until they find it and that’s where they get in trouble.

It’s not easy raising teens. There were times when I sat in my bedroom in the dark and told God, “I don’t have a clue.”

I had to set boundaries and set reasonable consequences and pay attention to details. I had to learn how to communicate effectively and LISTEN. But most of all I needed to let my kids know that I loved them. Even when they screwed up. I believed in them. We were their safe place.

It’s important that we not forget that parents are the most powerful influence on a teen. I think we forget that sometimes especially when we consider all the other influences. Don’t give up. Don’t underestimate the thumbprint you are leaving on your teen’s life. One day when the dust clears you’ll see the results.

You matter in your teen’s life, even when it seems like you don’t. They need you and love you, and even when they don’t say it, they are thankful you are part of the process.

Thank you so much, Suzie! Your words have been so inspiring!

I’ve enjoyed it. Thanks for letting me share one of my favorite topics!

Tomorrow, Suzie will be back to tell us about some changes she’s seen take place in the lives of teens in the past five years. You won’t want to miss this. She’ll also tell us why she calls today’s teens a “generation of seekers” and how we can see this in a positive light.