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May 24, 2006

We’re blessed today to be visited again by T. Suzanne Eller, author of several books for teens and parents of teens. She’s a popular speaker and media advocate for family issues.

If you missed our interview yesterday, you’ll want to check here first and read about Suzie’s nine-month-long conversation with hundreds of teenagers!

*****

Welcome back, Suzie. Yesterday in the comments, you said that you had three children born within 19 months of each other. WHOA! So you obviously have some secrets on how to stay sane while raising kids close in age! Can you tell us a little about your family now?

I’ve been married to an amazing guy for 26 years. We have three children and a brand new son-in-law. Leslie is 24 and studying law at the University of Oklahoma. She wants one day to be a family judge. Our twins, Melissa and Ryan are 22.

Ryan just graduated from Northeastern State and is pursuing a career in sports broadcasting. He loves sports! Six years ago, he was critically injured by a drunk driver, and it stopped his sports activities. He was in the hospital for six weeks and in rehabilitation for a year, but he’s healthy and whole now and can’t wait to report on his favorite subject.

Oh, that sounds like a scary experience. I’m sure he has a powerful story to tell of God’s healing. How about your other daughter?

Ryan’s twin sister, Melissa, is a newlywed and is in graduate school at the University of Oklahoma studying community counseling. Her husband, our new son-in-law (son!), is also studying counseling at OU.

Wow, so you made it through the teen years, and your kids all turned out great!

They’re all pretty amazing people and we’ve entered the friendship stage of our relationship with is very, very cool.

Well, Suzie, back on this topic of parenting teenagers — what are some issues that teens are facing today that are unique for this generation?

Our young girls are accepting much less than they should in relationships and image. Their role models have changed, and the character traits modeled for them are about material things, physical sexuality, and your 15 minutes of fame. Most of the celeb role models in the public eye (MTV and others) don’t talk about strength, integrity and dreaming about what you can do as a woman.

This is affecting our 12-to 15-year olds. As I minister in my home church and travel, I find myself talking with very old 13-year-olds who are already cynical about relationships, about family, and about sex.

So, it seems like there have been rapid changes in the lives of teens brought on by society and the media.

Yes, this is a change from our girls of just five years ago.

Their role models show the spin of cash and flash and quick hookups, but fail to show the emptiness of that lifestyle. When our girls try to imitate that, they discover the reality and then they feel burned.

How do you reach out to encourage teen girls to stay pure in the face of all these worldly temptations?

My ministry with young girls has become very much a conversation about self-worth and value in the eyes of Christ, and how to set boundaries no matter what our culture says or doesn’t say. I don’t so much teach the “don’ts.” They understand the term “my baby’s daddy.” They see the girl walking down the hall with her backpack and diaper bag. What they need to hear are the “do’s.”

I’m in constant contact with teens through my Real Teen Faith website and blog. The questions they ask might stagger some parents, but the harsh truth is most of these questions are coming from 13-and 14-year-olds.

I’m so glad you’re out there on the front lines, helping teenagers to deepen their faith. Does it help having a blog to communicate with teenagers?

Yes, I receive e-mails every day from teens, so my new blog allows me to stay current. Xanga, Facebook, Blogs, and MySpace are where teens live, so I want to park on that cyber street. My blog will have a new look very soon.

Some of us know about bloglifts! Suzie, I read in your Real Teens, Real Issues book that you call today’s youth a “generation of seekers.” What do you mean by that?

If you call yourself a Christian, you are subjected to close scrutiny. Are you a hater? Are you intolerant? Are you judgmental? Why do you believe the way you do? That has caused our teens to think carefully before they commit to their faith. When they do commit, they run after God. They aren’t perfect, but they want to carry their faith outside the pew and into real life.

Teens are looking for people to love them — not so much to fix them — but show them Christ’s love and the meaning of destiny. They are also looking for real relationships. They want to know that people can really know God and see what that means. They hear a thousand different messages about faith and truth, and it’s all very convoluted, but when they see someone who really loves God and is committed and intimate with God, they want to know what’s up and how to get plugged in.

That is so cool. Now, do you have any recommended resources to help parents of teens know how they can get their kids plugged in to a right relationship with Christ?

I write a monthly column for parents of teens at cbn.com. My latest column was titled: “How to Have a Good Fight” and can be found here.

That sounds like an oxymoron — I’d like to hear what you have to say on the “good fight!” haha.

I also have a new book out for parents who were raised in dysfunction and want to give their children something greater. It’s called The Mom I Want to Be: Rising Above Your Past to Give Your Kids a Great Future. It will be released in July through Harvest House, but is available for preorder from Amazon right now.

Another book I wrote is called Real Teens, Real Stories, Real Life, which is written FOR teens. It’s stories from teens about faith and real life. It can be given to any teen at any stage of their faith walk.

It shares powerful messages from their peers about God and things like self-injury, family, image, addiction, peer influence and more. They can read one story or poem or chapter at a time. It’s written just for them, like Chicken Soup with an edge.

My earlier book for parents is the one we talked about yesterday, Real Issues, Real Teens: What Every Parent Needs to Know. It’s also useful for youth pastors, and anyone who loves teens.

All these books are available on amazon.com, bn.com, christianbook.com and more. They should be in bookstores; if not, ask them to order it.

Or if you want an autographed copy, my e-mail address is tseller@daretobelieve.org. I charge $10 for the teen book and $13 for the parenting book, Real Issues, Real Teens, and media mail shipping. You can pay through paypal or send a check. If the book is for your teen, be sure and tell me their name so I can personalize it to them.

If someone wants to buy in bulk (10 copies or more) I’ll pay the shipping. I really would love pastors, youth pastors, and organizations that love and work with teens to have a copy in hand for their parents and staff.

Do you recommend any Bible studies that would be useful for teens to get together and talk about their faith?

Yes, I wrote a discipleship series that will be coming out in Winter/2006 through Kregel. The first book in the series is called Making It Real: Whose Faith Is It Anyway? It’s in-depth, but written just for teens to take their faith to the next level. These are not fluff d-books, but designed for teens hungry for God and truth and real-life application. There will be six books in that series.

Six books! Wow — you must be busy working on these! Well, Suzie, we can’t thank you enough for visiting here and for giving us your advice, encouragement, and resources! You make me look forward to the teen years.

Thanks for letting me hang out with you guys!

*****

Suzie Eller does a lot of speaking, so if you’re looking for a retreat leader or have another function in need of a speaker for teens, be sure to stop in and check out her speaking schedule at Real Teen Faith!




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