I loved watching the Beth Moore Living Beyond Yourself video this week on the topic of “Faith” (I’m a little behind). We’re on Week 9 out of 10 (I think), and we’ve worked out a few kinks behind the scenes with our group. We now have a real “list” that is private, and we’re able to exchange emails and share things that we don’t even dare blog about. It’s been a great source of encouragement for me.

First of all, I want to tell you I’ve become a very quiet blog reader lately. For those of you who are wondering if I’m still around, I’ll tell you that I’m reading your blogs in my Bloglines, and I’m just not commenting. Forgive me. The end of the school year is CRAZY busy around here.

I love all the things I’ve been learning through this study. It’s beyond eery how I’ll hear or read a verse from Beth Moore, then I’ll read it again in a book or hear it from a sermon. The same day! God is speaking to me in so many ways.

A few months ago, I had a crisis of faith. I really had some major doubts — about EVERYTHING. Do you ever feel this way — like you’re being tumbled around in a dryer full of wet clothes? Well, it started with lightning striking our computer, despite those surge protector things. It zapped our modem, printer, and hard drive. I was disconnected for about four days while we got some things fixed.

The timing couldn’t have been worse. After spending months of scribbling down design ideas and agonizing over every detail, I’d finally sent off my design order to start my blog! I had used PayPal for the first time ever and even signed up for my hosting service. Then — ZAP! Computer gone.

I was so worried my designer would call me with a question! And I’d set the goal of starting my blog by the first of October so I’d have a few posts written before the Glorieta writers’ conference in late October.

My husband put up with my calling him two or three times a day and asking him to check my email. After the fourth day, I walked to the mailbox in complete despair. I’m sorry I sound so shallow — but I keep up with everyone by email — even my parents, siblings, and local friends!

I remember walking back from the mailbox, and I was letting my thoughts run away with worry. What would we do if I could never get online again? What if I missed my deadlines? What if my husband’s car wore out?

We have a long driveway, and my fears raced even further. What are we going to do when our kids discover we’re the only people around who don’t own any video games? What if they start realizing their clothes aren’t name brands? How will we ever put five kids through college? What about weddings?!!

Aaggghhhh!!!

For just a minute, I thought, Is God real? Is He really there? If He cared about me, then how come I’m feeling so lost and disconnected?

I know this may sound a bit kooky, but at that moment, I looked up, and the sky was completely clear and blue except for a white slash of clouds that were shaped perfectly like a cross. And I felt this impression in my heart of the Holy Spirit saying, I’m Here.

That was one of those moments I’ll never forget.

The next day, we were back online, and I had an email from someone inviting me to send a resume pronto for a possible devotional project. The editor was passing out assignments, and I might find a spot. So I sent it (by email of course). And I somehow got offered an assignment to help three other writers work on a book.

The title? Faith for Each Day.

So my crisis of faith led to an open door for me to help write a book on faith! Even more amazing, a friend invited me to join Beth Moore’s Believing God Bible Study, so I was suddenly surrounded by godly awesome women and the richest teaching I’d had in years.

I turned in my work on time, and the editor asked if I’d write a few more. I ended up writing over a hundred devotionals for this book. It’s being released soon — so if you see it, maybe my name will be written somewhere teeny-tiny along with a bunch of other people on the back of the title page.

Here’s what the publisher says about the book:

Like a daily energy boost, these inspiring entries begin with an insightful scripture followed by a powerful, relevant-to-the-day devotion that will remind readers that God truly longs for us to start the day with Him, that He is present in our lives even when things seem hectic, and He desires to richly bless us.

Hmmmm … So that’s what happens when I have a crisis of faith. From now on, I’m “Believing God,” and “Living Beyond Myself.”

Addie	Heather*	Carol
M	Rach	Jeana
Jenn	Amanda	MamaB
GiBee	Boomama	Maria
Blair	Heather	Nancy
Janna	Flipflop	Robin
Sherry	Patricia	Tara
Lauren	HolyMama!	Faith
Christy	Eph2810	Karin
Leann	Rachel	Janice