Have you been feeling stressed out lately? I have. I’m stressed. You’re stressed. We’re all stressed, right? As women, we’re rocking the cradle, raising up the next generation, and carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders … at least, that’s what it seems like at 5:00 in the afternoon when everybody’s hungry and we gotta feed ’em. Do you ever feel like saying, “I need some time to BREATHE!”

Ah …. We’re in for a treat today. I’ve discovered a mom who is an expert on teaching women how to find the breathing room we need to survive. Everybody say “hello” to Keri Wyatt Kent! She’s a mom and author of several books for women, including Breathe: Creating Space for God in a Hectic Life and her newest that releases this week (woohoo!) Listen: Finding God in the Story of Your Life.

Hi, Keri. Thanks for visiting Mom 2 Mom Connection. We’re all glad you’re here!

Thanks, Heather, for inviting me.

Keri, not all of us here are moms, but we all know how it feels to be pulled in 20 different directions as we try to please everyone. It’s impossible. Is there something missing in our lives? I know you write and speak about a woman’s soul and what we really need. Can you tell us more about this?

I think we neglect our soul because we think caring for it is a luxury. But really, it’s a necessity. Parenting is not a sprint, it’s a marathon. Would we run a marathon without breathing? Of course not. Would we prepare for a marathon by not eating anything for a few days prior? We need to take in air and fuel in order to run.

In the same way, if we are going to love and lead our children, those are spiritual activities. They are ways of expending spiritual energy. We can’t do that very well if we haven’t taken in energy — fed our souls, so to speak. That’s the kind of thing I write about — how to breathe and feed your soul.

How can a woman find a place where her soul can breathe?

Well, she can’t do it by waiting for someone else to give it to her. As women, we often worry about other people’s needs, and we secretly wish someone would give that kind of care to us. But typically, they don’t. Rather than feeling frustrated by that, we need to choose to care for ourselves. Decide to do this. You’re an adult, you don’t have to ask permission to care for yourself.

Do you have any suggestions for how we can enlist help?

In practical terms, that means you have to get a sitter or a friend or relative to watch your kids, and get out of the house. You need to trust that God is in control and someone else can handle your children. Decide where to go — there are a lot of retreat centers all over the country. Or, if it’s nice, go to a park or beach. If it’s not nice outside, go to a library or even a coffee shop — but not one where you’ll run into people you know.

Some churches keep a chapel or room open where you can go for silent prayer — that’s a great option. Another idea is to have a friend watch your kids at your house, and you go to her now quiet and empty house for some time alone. Make sure you return the favor for her!

Do you think getting away alone is something we should try to do every day?

It depends. I suggest trying to get a bit of time (say five minutes) each morning, to just offer your day to God, ask Him to help you to notice Him in your day, just to ask for His help with whatever challenges you’re facing. Trying to have a long time of solitude or prayer with very small children underfoot is a recipe for frustration. If your children are very young, aim for five minutes a day, and then once a week, plan ahead for a longer time, even if it’s only for an hour.

The time away from the kids is as important as anything you read or pray about. Give this as a gift to yourself. If you trade babysitting with a friend, it won’t cost you anything.

I love the idea of giving this as a gift to ourselves. How can we convince our families that we need this time away?

That can be a challenge. Don’t start with asking for an entire weekend away. Start with an hour. If your spouse won’t help, get a friend to watch your kids. Take the time. Too often we say, “Oh, my husband won’t help,” or “My kids won’t let me,” or whatever. Don’t fall into the trap of letting other people make decisions that you are supposed to make.

Wow! That hits close to home for me. I have a hard time admitting that I can’t do it all.

Explain that in order to be the best mommy you can be, you need to have some time alone. The old “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy” is really true. I think our families can see that — it’s not usually them that needs to be convinced. It’s us. We have to let go of thinking we are the only ones who can do things around our house or with the kids.

Also, if your husband is the one with the kids while you are gone, don’t come home and complain about how he handled things, or re-do the dishes he washed. That’s one sure way to dissolve his support in an instant.

Those are great ideas, Keri. I’m always so thankful when my husband keeps our kids for a while — and they end up doing fun things that are different than when I’m home. What about women who need to find support outside of their home? Can you tell us how you got involved with MOPS?

MOPS stands for “Mothers of Preschoolers.” It’s a wonderful international organization that provides resources and support to mothers of young children. There are chapters all around the world. You can find out if there’s one near you by going to their website.

They typically meet in churches but are independent and are a very comfortable and accepting environment for all moms, regardless of their background or where they are on their spiritual journey.

I got involved with them through my writing — my first book, God’s Whisper in a Mother’s Chaos, was a popular resource with groups. MOPS eventually put it in their catalog, and did the same with my second book.

I think we’re all looking for God’s whisper in the midst of our chaos. That sounds like something I need to read!

Because of these books, a lot of local groups have invited me to come and speak to them. My third book, Breathe: Creating Space for God in a Hectic Life, was co-published by MOPS International. After it came out, several more MOPS groups invited me to speak. I was also invited to teach a workshop at the MOPS International convention. My newest book, Listen: Finding God in the Story of Your Life, is featured in their magazine, MomSense, this month. I also write articles for that magazine pretty regularly. It’s a great resource for moms.

Yes, I love reading your stories in MomSense. Can you tell us what people do at MOPS meetings? Is this only for moms with preschoolers?

A typical MOPS meeting depends on the group. There’s childcare (called “Moppets”) provided, which is great. They often have coffee and a snack, but some groups serve a buffet breakfast. Usually there’s a speaker talking about some aspect of parenting or spiritual growth, often about how those two areas of life intersect. Some groups do a craft and there’s usually time for small group discussion and sharing.

What about moms who might have teenagers or an empty nest? Is there a way for moms to get involved as a mentor of some sort to the younger moms?

Each MOPS group is run by a committee of volunteers, which usually has at least one “mentor mom,” whose kids are beyond the preschool years. Obviously, some moms have kids who are spread out in age so they might have one preschooler and a couple of older kids. There are also groups for moms who are teens themselves, as well as single moms — although sometimes those moms are included in a regular group.

MOPS groups always need mentor moms, and it’s a great ministry. All the mentor moms I talk to say they get so much by giving in this way.

Keri, you have given us all some fantastic ideas. And I can’t wait to learn more about how we can find space for ourselves to breathe and listen to God. I’m looking forward to having you visit again tomorrow.

Thanks. I’ve enjoyed it!

Tomorrow, Keri will be back to give us more details on what we can discover in her new books for women. If you’d like more information about Keri Wyatt Kent, please visit her website, as well as MOPS . You can also read Keri’s latest MomSense article here on the Christianity Today website.