With October’s leaves in transformation, I feel like autumn is officially here. And today, I also feel like I’ve entered a new season of parenting.

This morning, I kissed my 18-month-old goodbye, left in the care of two sweet nursery workers at our church’s Mom’s Morning Out program. It wasn’t her first time staying in that room, so she didn’t cry. But it was MY first time actually leaving the building. She waved to me and promptly began playing with toys.

My first time! All five kids in “school!” Granted, I only had two and a half hours to myself. But it was a new sensation for me to feel as if my days of full-time stay-home parenting are slowly coming to an end.

So what’s a mom to do with kids in school and time on her hands? Well, I wore my jogging suit, the one from Target that’s halfway hip, so I went to Curves and worked out for half an hour, then to Mega-Mart to catch up on shopping.

It was like a reunion for me — yes, life in a small town is good if you’re in the mood. I’m usually not. But today I saw everyone in the world, and I had plenty of time to chat. No kids wiggling out of the cart or interrupting me. I was a social butterfly — feeling so happy and light, I actually made it over to the electronics department to pick out a new answering machine. Something I’d put off for about a year.

Today’s joys contrast sharply with yesterday’s complete and utter despair. I was home yesterday with my two youngest, trying to unpack and get caught up from our trip. All was quiet upstairs, and I was thrilled that my kids seemed to be happily playing together.

Rule #1 of mothering. If it’s too quiet, then something is wrong. I almost had a heart attack when I went to check on things. My three-year-old had decorated his wall AGAIN with purple magic marker. He’d gotten into the first-aid kit and opened all the band-aids. And the worst. He found my husband’s collection of cassette tapes from the 80s (recently recovered from the attic), and he unraveled them all. The tangled brown ribbons covered every square inch of his room.

One of those tapes was a gift my husband mailed me when I was teaching English in Japan. It was a recording of children’s songs, and I listened to that tape over and over and over. I used it in all my classes. I loved it. I can safely say that tape made such an impact on me that I fell in love with this guy who was thoughtful enough to make it for me.

When I saw the destruction, I sat in the floor and cried. “I’m sorry, Mama,” a little voice said. “I won’t do it again.” And he won’t. Because there are no tapes left to destroy. No more band-aids to open. And my mom and I are repainting the room next week.

I have absolutely no regrets that my children are all in school. None. They need the break from me. And I need the break from them. I love my kids. I love being a mom. But I’m ready for the next step.

What else is new? Another first. We took a road trip this week and rented a beautiful cabin in the mountains. Just our little family of seven. It was the first time my husband and I have ever done this! We cooked in our cozy kitchen and ate outside on the picnic table. We had so much fun, and it reminded me of how we felt as newlyweds in our first apartment. Our tiny kitchen had everything we needed.

I’ve spent the entire last decade changing diapers, and we still have one more child to potty-train. These have been happy years, but I’m looking forward to more road trips, more mountain cabins, more precious blocks of time to think. And dream.