Below is an article by author Vicki Courtney, who has an amazing ministry reaching thousands of tweens, teens, and their parents. Her latest book for girls is Between God and Me: A Journey Through Proverbs.

A good role model can be hard to recognize — especially if you’re the mother of a tween. If your tween is out in the community, even if it’s the online community, he or she is being observed. So what can we do
to make sure they’re taking cues from the right people? Here are five tips for helping your tween find a solid role model, and how to be one yourself.

Walk the Walk
Mothers can scold their daughters as much as they want, but unless they are practicing what they preach, it’s unlikely their daughters will pay their words any attention. One of the virtues of being a role model
is sticking to your word, not only talking the talk, but walking the walk, too. In the end, the ultimate role model when it comes to virtue is the author of virtue, so monitor your fashion choices, language, and online activity as closely as you would your tween’s.

Don’t Look Too Far
Role models have changed over the generations. More people used to describe their role models as being people they didn’t know; i.e., movie stars and athletes. Joe DiMaggio, Eleanor Roosevelt, etc. Now, people tend to find role models that are in some way or another involved in their lives. It emphasizes a worthy saying, “It takes a village to raise a child.” So help your tween find close-to-home role models, like a teacher, coach, or trusted friend in the community.

Learn From the Bad
Taking the bad along with the good is one of life’s easiest things to hear and hardest to implement, especially these days, when bad is the new good. Even once-wholesome stars like Miley Cyrus are human, after all. Like any one of us, she makes mistakes. A good role model admits to these mistakes instead of hiding them. For parents, instead of wringing your hands and tearing your robes, you can derive teachable moments from celebrity “role model” mishaps. Talk to your daughter about what went wrong, and how to avoid making the same mistakes.

Be Skeptical
The media bombards your daughters with messages every day. How will you know which ones to believe and which to take with a grain of salt? Often the general message can be deceptive, and the media will
leave out part of the story. Do your research and be discerning. We all deserve to have good role models — so before your teenager adopts one, make sure she is fully informed before she decides to emulate them.

Meet Their Friends
You can tell a lot about a person by who they hang out with. The type of friends a person chooses speaks volumes about her identity. No matter what, there will be those who willingly conform to a peer
group, and depending on the nature of that group, it can have a positive or negative outcome on his or her behavior. When helping your tween choose a good role model, find out first the type of company that role model keeps.

Vicki Courtney is the founder of Virtuous Reality Ministries and virtuousreality.com, an online magazine for middle school and high school girls that reaches more than 150,000 girls and mothers a year through its website, resources and events. Her blog Virtue Alert receives 20,000 unique visitors a month from fellow parents nationwide.

My daughters love anything relating to princesses, so we have a super fun guest today who wrote THE BOOK on how to become a princess. Lindsey Leavitt’s debut novel, Princess for Hire, released in March.

Hi Lindsey. Welcome to Mom 2 Mom Connection. I heard you just returned from the American Library Association conference in Washington, DC. What was it like being there as an author?

Man, it was amazing. Every aspiring author has a list of publishing dreams, and this was big on mine.

Librarians are amazing, open, thoughtful, funny, smart people and it was great having book conversations. I love book talk. Plus, it was very surreal to have a few KNOW WHO I WAS (sure, the name tag helps, but I like to pretend I’m a Diva sometimes).

Sounds like a blast! What was the highlight for you?

Newbery/Caldecott dinner. The speeches were pitch-perfect, the chicken breast wasn’t even dry, and ten-year-old Lindsey felt like she’d arrived at the book Olympics.

Your debut novel, Princess for Hire, draws readers into the world of real-life princesses. Did you have to do any research on foreign cultures or customs as you wrote your book?

Research! Yes, I did tons — much more than I would have thought, but fun nonetheless. Pretty legit when you get to buy the PEOPLE Royals Addition and count it as work.

I wanted the scope to go beyond Europe, so I looked at royal traditions around the world. I didn’t want to lock myself into one country, though, so I went with a geographical region and tried to create a general atmosphere. The Amazon one was especially fun to research, as most of what happens to Desi (except for the magical stuff) is based on real customs.

I did a few library visits, looking at those basic country books used for elementary school reports. This gave me an idea where to start, then I researched a handful of countries in depth. I wrote two princesses that never made it into the story, but might in later books, especially since I was so fascinated with Eastern Asian culture. I want a ninja princess in there. Ninjas are awesome.

A NINJA PRINCESS — that will definitely be a hit! Did your previous job as a substitute teacher help you any as you wrote your first novel?

For sure. I never really felt like I knew what I was doing as a sub. Every day, it was a different school, different grade, different kids, all with their own challenges and problems. Often, I would have one page of notes that didn’t help much.

And, let’s be honest, lots of people think subs are idiots. Although I had a degree AND had a couple of years of teaching experience, secretaries would often talk really slow, or the teacher would write “Have them read for an hour” in the sub plans, like actually teaching was a massive improbability.

So I really tapped into that as I threw Desi in all these new situations. Not to mention, I would often write during teacher prep-time, lunch, etc. Nothing publishable, mind you, but it got me interested in writing.

What has been the most surprising aspect of being a first-time novelist?

I guess I thought getting a book deal would be all the literary validation I needed. I was surprised that there was still so much angst on the other side of the publishing rainbow — revisions, reviews, follow-up books, covers. BUT, having a real-live book in print sweetens all the strife. It’s something concrete and real and, in my case, sparkly.

Being the mother of three daughters, I’m sure your home is immersed in the world of princesses! What do your daughters think of all the excitement surrounding their mom’s new book?

They want pictures. They are begging for a book with pictures and not all these boring words. So the princess thing gives me some street-cred, but I’m no Jane O’Conner (Fancy Nancy). My three-year-old also asked why I can’t be a dog groomer, because then she could pet a dog instead of a book.

So I gave her a tiara, and I’m cool again.

Oh yes, life is always better when wearing a tiara. My daughter has tried to sleep in hers. Do you think it’s helpful for writers to be part of an online network of fellow writers, such as your Tenners blog? How did this group come together?

The Tenners have been invaluable. When I sold my book, I wanted to join the Debs (2009 debut group we are modeled after), but I was winter 2010. I was lamenting this with a friend, and she said, “Uh, start your own group.”

So I did, with the help of Heidi R Kling (SEA, Putnam). At first, I just googled around, finding other 2010 authors, and once word got out, people wrote asking to join.

How many authors are in the group now? Do you have plans to stick together beyond the year 2010?

We had to cut it off last October, when our numbers were almost 100. I’ve made some wonderful friends there, and I think we’ll have the group going for a long time. It’s a great resource for all the questions that come up, like “I don’t like my cover, what do I do?” or “I’m doing a signing in New York, who is in?”

Now that Princess for Hire has made her grand debut at the ball, what you do have coming up next?

I have a YA contemporary called SEAN GRISWOLD’S HEAD that will be out with Bloomsbury in March 2011. It’s a story with first love, first loss, and spandex. But not too much spandex. I have to keep it tasteful.

Well, for us 80s moms, Spandex is always in. We just can’t be seen wearing it in public.

And, of course, the next book in the PRINCESS FOR HIRE series will be out in early May. More scandals, more Desi, and yes, more princess.

We can’t wait! Here’s one last question — How do you get yourself into the writing groove, when kids, house, husband, and everything else demand your attention? Do you have a special time or place in your house where you can be alone to write, or can you pretty much write anywhere?

My very best writing still happens at night, when it’s totally quiet and there is nothing else I have to do. It’s still a challenge, even with this being my job now, to prioritize writing over all the family goodness.

I usually write in spurts, like take a weekend and write non-stop, then don’t write for a week. I can write anywhere — couch, bed, library, Starbucks — but I have this weird thing about having my feet up when I write. Yes, they’re up right now. I want to hire a foot rubber when I hit it big. Now accepting applications.

Couldn’t we all use one of those? Lindsey, this has been too fun. Do you have any parting words of wisdom for parents who’ve been bitten by the writing bug?

Do it. As much as you can, as often as you can. When you aren’t writing, read. Read, read, read. Write, write, write. And enjoy your kids, because they are not only the best part of life, but they offer some wonderful material.

That’s so true! Thank you for this refreshing interview, Lindsey. We look forward to keeping up with you and your books!

Thanks so much for having me Heather and Heather’s wonderful blog readers!

Lindsey Leavitt can be found hanging out at her sparkly website and blog. Her royal book even has its own home, so be sure to stop by and check out the bling.

Those of you who’ve been reading here for a while know I’m crazy about Japan. I taught English in Osaka for a couple of years, and when I came home, I left part of my heart over there. Well, I’ve become acquainted with a Christian mom who writes novels in North Carolina, after living in Japan 18 years! I’m so happy to introduce you to author Alice J. Wisler.

Hi Alice. Welcome to Mom 2 Mom! We’re so glad you’re here. Can you tell us a little about your background as the daughter of missionaries in Japan?

I was born in Osaka, Japan in the 1960s to career-missionary parents. I went to Japanese kindergarten in Osaka and an international elementary school in Kyoto. High school was in Kobe, and since the distance was far, I lived in the high school dorm for four years. Then I went back to teach English in a church-run school in the 80s after college and a stint in the Philippines. So, I’ve lived 18 years total in Japan.

Wow. That’s amazing! Do you still find yourself remembering Japan? How do you keep your memories alive? Do you have any favorite Japanese dishes that you like to eat or cook?

Japan is a huge part of my life. I love authentic Japanese food (Kanki and any restaurant that serves their food with sword-like knives is not what I grew up with). Sushi is my favorite. I like to make tempura at home with my fourteen-year-old son. I sing Japanese songs from childhood around the house all the time.

How did you get started writing fiction?

Boredom. I got tired of fighting with my younger brother and needed something else to do. I’ve been writing since first grade. My teacher had me stand up in front of the entire class and read my short stories. One was about having the “chicken pops” and one was about a birthday party. Fiction came to me at about third grade.

Do you think writing can be therapeutic for women who encounter difficult times in life?

Writing is one of the best forms of therapy. When you put your heart and all its anguish on paper, you experience clarity and comfort. I thank God every day for his gift to us in the healing that comes from the tool of writing through sorrow.

Can you share with us about your son, Daniel, and how your writing ministry for grieving parents began to develop?

Daniel, my second child, was diagnosed with neuroblastoma at the age of three in 1996. He went through chemo, radiation and surgeries to try to reduce and remove the malignant tumor in his neck. In 1997, he died in my arms. He was four. I was thirty-six.

Since then my world changed. I started Daniel’s House Publications in his memory and created a monthly ezine, wrote articles, remembrance cards, spoke at bereavement conferences, and was asked to lead writing workshops. I saw that this tool of writing benefits many, so eventually started teaching online writing courses.

What can people expect from taking your online course, “Writing the Heartache Writing Workshop?”

My online courses last five weeks. I send the assignments out via email and the attendees complete them and send them back to me for feedback. I offer guidelines on writing poetry, essays, and for publication. The five-week outline is available here at my website, as well as information on how to sign up.

Can you tell us about your “in-person” grief-writing seminar that will take place in North Carolina in July?

The all-day workshop I’ll hold on July 17th will be an expansion of what I offer online. We’ll write from photographs and from mementos. We’ll create poetry and essays and share. The atmosphere will be a warm one to tell our stories.

Not everyone will be writing about a significant loved one who has died. Some will participate and write about other losses — loss of dreams, broken relationships, etc. This event will take place at the Country Inns and Suites near the Raleigh-Durham, NC Airport from 8 AM to 5 PM. You can read more about this exciting day here.

Well, it looks like you’ve got a busy summer ahead. Congratulations on your novel, How Sweet It Is, being a finalist for the 2010 Christy Awards! Can you tell us about this book?

How Sweet It Is is about getting away from the past in order to heal and start a new future. Deena Livingston, the main character, has been in an accident and broken up with her fiance. She moves to a cabin in Bryson City in the Smoky Mountains where she’s to teach cooking to disadvantaged middle school kids in an after-school program. The story is about forgiveness.

Are you looking forward to traveling to St. Louis for the awards ceremony?

Yes, I’m looking forward to flying there later this month. I’ll also be signing advanced reading copies (ARCs) of Hatteras Girl at the International Christian Retailers Show held after the Christy Awards.

What is your new novel about?

Hatteras Girl is set in the Outer Banks. Jackie and her childhood friend, Minnie, want to take over the Bailey Bed and Breakfast in Nags Head, but obstacles (including a handsome realtor) get in the way. This is a story about having to wait for dreams to come true.

That’s a topic we’re all familiar with! Do you have any tips for parents who would love to find more time to write? Is it worth the effort?

Keep at it. Don’t give up! Make time to craft the best stories you can write. Edit often. Yes, it is worth the effort because there is no other satisfaction like having your work published.

Thank you for your encouraging advice! Do you have anything else you’d like to add?

Thanks for this interview, Heather. It’s been fun!

You can learn more about Alice J. Wisler and her really cool novels at her website. Be sure to check out the beauiful Dutch cover of Rain Song!

If you’ve been around the Christian mom blogging community for a while, you’ve most likely heard of Kelsey Kilgore, who blogs as Holy Mama. A west Texas mom of four, Kelsey recently published her first novel, A Love for Larkspur. She’s also a gifted humor writer and encourager for stressed-out, battle-worn parents.

Hi Kelsey. How’s the weather in Texas? Have you seen any more tumbleweeds lately?

Here in West Texas, it is HOT. We went to three baseball games on Saturday and at the start of the second game, it was 107 degrees. By the end of the third game it was cooling off at 100, and it felt lovely. Really! West Texas heat is dry, never humid, and that helps.

It’s so hot here, that vets recommend shaving your long-haired cats in the summer.

Isn’t he CUTE?! My ten-year old, Ethan, made the little purple shawl. I haven’t seen any tumbleweeds, but it isn’t really the season now — the best ones are found in winter.

Oh, that cat is ADORABLE — and the shawl too! Can you describe for us a typical west Texas summer scene? I mean, do people really walk around wearing cowboy hats and boots?

Why, yes …. yes you do often see hats and boots here, year-round. But that’s the exception, not the rule.

A typical scene … I don’t get out much and my life revolves around children, so bear with me. What comes to mind are endless Saturdays of kids’ sporting events, the happy shrieks of kids splashing at a swimming pool, and grilling outdoors with family. None of that sounds particularly unique to this part of the country, now that I think about it.

Oh! We feed prairie dogs sometimes, just for fun. They like pretzels and carrots.

A pretzel-eating prairie dog — now that’s definitely not something I’ve ever seen here in Georgia!

OK, I’ve been reading your blog for years. Do you think writing can help alleviate some of the major stresses moms face today?

Writing alleviates some of MY stresses as a mom. But other moms I talk to often say that writing would only add to their stress — everyone’s different. It’s not my major stress reliever — blogging, for me, is more of a tool for documenting my kids’ childhoods and these years in general.

I know this is a fast-paced time period, and I forget so much! I want to always be able to look back and see what I wrote/thought/believed during this time. I don’t mind sharing my life with whoever might be interested in reading about it — but largely, it’s written for the future me!

I agree — if I don’t write it down, I forget it! What else do you find to be a good stress reliever?

My two main stress relievers are cleaning and exercise. Preferably something fairly violent, with lots of punching and kicking of other individuals, but a punching bag will do. Since I tore my left ACL in September, I’m not cleared yet to go back to kickboxing.

In the meantime, I’m trying to build up strength and endurance so I’ll be ready for it again when the doctor gives the go-ahead in December. I haven’t always been this way — I only started exercising after antidepressants stopped working for postpartum depression after my 4-year-old was born.

Have you always wanted to be a writer?

Not really. Most of the time I don’t even think of myself as being a writer, even now. Writing was something that came very easily to me, and I knew it would always help me out in whatever I ended up doing. As it turns out, I’ve ended up mothering, mostly, with a little writing on the side. Next year all the kids will be in school full time, and maybe then I’ll be writing more — and thinking of myself as more of a writer!

Did you have a teacher or mentor who particularly encouraged you with writing?

Yes, Penny Arrington, high school English teacher extraordinaire. She was the sort of crazy-tough teacher that you either adored … or feared and had nightmares about for the rest of your life. (I mean that in a good way.)

She had super high standards and she expected every single student to meet them — and she pushed us very hard in order to help us get there. I admired that. I admired her. Still do. She’s a high school counselor now, and we had dinner about a year ago when I went back to my home town for a brief visit.

How did you get started writing fiction?

It was a God Thing. A very, very weird God Thing. One night, a very long time ago, I had a vivid dream with all sorts of interesting people. I woke up in the middle of the night and had a sense that I should make it into a book.

In order to let that crazy thought go, I prayed something I should never have prayed. I said, “God, if you want me to write that, help me remember all of it because I usually forget dreams. Amen and goodnight.” And I thought I’d go back to sleep. Instead, I stayed awake all night and scene after scene played out in my head in a way I’d never before (or since) experienced.

So the next day, exhausted, I started to write. It took almost a year. And what came out of that was truly a terrible read. But what ALSO came out of that was a whole year of hands-on learning in what to do and what not to do in fiction writing.

I learned so much from that experience — I wouldn’t trade that awful manuscript for anything! And nor would I read it again, for anything! Or subject anyone else to it — but still, it is precious to me if only in its immense personal value!

In your debut novel, A Love for Larkspur, your main character, Lark, has a close relationship with her mom. Is this based any on your relationship with your mom?

I wanted a good mom-daughter relationship in the story. At the time I wrote it, I was living here in Texas and my own mom was living in Australia. I only saw her once or maybe twice a year. I was also dealing with a mother figure in my life who was painfully, and suddenly, rejecting me.

Those feelings and issues are in there, and I intentionally wrote a strong, positive mom figure into the story so it wouldn’t come off as so “anti-mother!” That being said, my own wonderful mother is extremely different from Lark’s wonderful mother.

Do you enjoy having your mom live closer to you now? What’s your favorite activity to do with your mom?

Now that my mom DOES live close by, I’m so grateful for all the time we spend together! We like to shop or go eat or take the kids swimming. Occasionally she’ll get me to go antiquing with her (not my fave) or we’ll plant flowers or do yard work together.

For those of us who aren’t from Texas, can you tell us about larkspur? When does it bloom?

Larkspur is in bloom right this very second at my house, as you can see, next to golden Stella d’Oro daylilies.

The foliage is delicate, and ferny, and can look very much like a weed to a novice. So when we moved into our last house and a flowerbed seemed to be overrun with these little weedy plants, I tried to pull them all out.

Eventually, after ripping out thousands of them, I gave up. I was shocked to discover what the “survivors” turned out to be! And of course I wished that I’d left them alone. In subsequent years, that flowerbed recovered from my misguided efforts and every June it became a traffic-stopping display of the prettiest larkspur in town. The ones in the photo above were planted from seeds I took from our last house.

Why did you choose this name for your character?

I like unusual character names, and I love plants and flowers. It just worked out to combine the two!

In your novel, Lark enjoys jogging to ward off her stress. Do you also find exercise helps you cope? How do you make yourself go to the gym? Do you have any tips for the rest of us?

When I wrote about Lark jogging, I hadn’t started running. I’d always wanted to, but didn’t think I’d be any good and hadn’t ever tried. I’m a runner now, but I’m fairly new.

When the antidepressants stopped working for the postpartum depression, the doctor suggested hardcore exercise. And I hated this idea. Everyone else at the gym was probably skinny and knew what they were doing — and I had baby-weight and varicose veins. I had no business being there. But the drugs weren’t working and my depressed face-planting on the carpet wasn’t working out so well, so I committed.

I made myself go to the gym and exercise every single day — even though I couldn’t stand it — for six weeks. And then I noticed that I liked it. After that, I let myself go just four times a week if I wanted to, and if it felt like it was enough to keep me sane — but oddly, I usually wanted to go more frequently than that.

Now I still go because I want to. I don’t feel like I’m myself if I skip for very long. That’s all the motivation I need. (And I like to work out at home or go for a run or try other gyms. Not being tied to one location helps). But whatever motivation YOU need? Give it to yourself.

If you want to schedule it so you watch Project Runway while you’re on the treadmill, go for it. Whatever works, within reason, is worth it. Before long, you won’t need to be so creative. But don’t let yourself think, like I did, that you don’t belong or you’re not good enough, or you’ll never fit in with the skinny group. I have social anxiety issues, can you tell?

Oh! And make yourself try a class! I like almost all of them. I’m not coordinated enough for Step classes, but am not above making a total fool of myself in a Zumba class or dropping the barbell on my foot in a weightlifting class. Gyms are full of dorks like me, so it turns out, I fit right in. (And I did get skinny! And sane. Okay, well, no, that’s a total lie, but sane for ME, and I even wear shorts. Short ones!)

I read in ParentLife magazine that you’ve found blogging to be a good way to share your faith. In your four years of writing online, what has been the most positive aspect of blogging?

Overall, the most positive moments have also been the hardest. Our 16-year-old daughter has been a challenge to raise, and we’ve had a heartbreaking four years of placing her in various residential treatment centers and trying to navigate through her psychological/emotional/mental issues and stay strong (and safe) as a family. Sometimes we’ve been successful, and at others we haven’t.

My heart aches for the parents in similar situations who find me by googling various diagnoses their children have been given, and we often end up in long, tearful but supportive email exchanges. None of that happens on my website where people see it — it’s a behind-the- scenes operation that can be emotionally draining, time-consuming, and a wonderfully precious way to tell a mom or a dad, “You are not alone. And you will be okay. I have lived through this and so will you. There is life on the other side of this.”

I remember all too well those dark, hopeless periods of parenting her, and these people often write from that same desperate place — and are stunned at finding someone who understands what no one else in their life has understood. They’re good parents. They’re trying their hardest, and they’re falling apart by the time I hear from them. Those conversations are often divinely timed and inspired.

I’m honored at the way God uses my little website to bless these sweet, depleted parents. I had no idea that sort of thing would ever happen, much less, regularly. But it does, and those exhausted, often misunderstood parents are dear to me in a way I find difficult to explain. Their stories are mine as well — one I don’t often write about except in my emails to these dear strangers.

Kelsey, you have an amazing ministry. Keep it up! Who knew blogging humorous slice-of-life stories would put you on the front lines encouraging battle-weary parents?

Now, back to your fiction writing, do you have plans to write any mom-lit in the future?

Yes, well, maybe. In theory. But you know what always stops me? It feels weird to create children’s characters that are wonderful that I want to spend time with, and yet they’re not my own children. Characters become so real to me, it feels disloyal in a sense.

All the best parts of my male leads come straight from my husband, so I’ve never felt conflicted there. One day I’ll resolve that in my head and make it work. I adore writing about kids and what they say and how they think — I just haven’t transferred that over to fiction yet!

I hope you will someday! In closing, do you have any advice for moms who desire to write with a house full of kids, dogs, cats, and piles of laundry?

You can do it. It doesn’t matter if it’s good. It’s YOURS. And just because of that, it has value and so it’s worth the effort. If you want to write, you really, really, really should. If it’s for an audience one day, great! If it’s not, that’s just as great! Your thoughts and ideas and creativity deserve an outlet, and if writing is the one you choose, I applaud the choice.

Don’t let the kids, pets, and laundry be your excuses not to do it. I wrote entire book-length manuscripts while breastfeeding babies and perfecting the One-Handed Because I’m Holding a Baby ALL THE TIME And Look — There’s One On My Boob Now Isn’t He CUTE Typing Style.

It can — and should — be done, regardless of children, laundry, or other bits of Life. My mom once gave me the book Anybody Can Write, by Roberta Jean Bryant. I recommend it.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, Kelsey! You’ve offered us so many great ideas. I think we’re all ready to lasso our next challenge. Yee-ha!

Be sure to visit Kelsey Kilgore’s website and Holy Mama blog, where she rounds up her highly entertaining tales of motherhood and occasional recipes involving pine nuts.

We’re in for a treat today — a visit from Georgia author, Deborah Wiles. I cannot begin to tell you what an influence this woman has had on my desire to write for kids. She was the keynote speaker at the 2008 SCBWI conference in Atlanta, and ever since then, I’ve wanted to share some of her advice with you. This month marks the release of her newest novel, Countdown!

How did you get started writing a trilogy about the 1960s?

I started one story that took place in 1962, and then another that took place in 1966. They weren’t related, although they both took place in the sixties.

At some point, I realized that, with one more story — I chose 1968, it’s such a rich year — I would have a look at the entire decade, so I proposed a trilogy of connected novels about the sixties to my publisher. This evolution took place over several years. I had lots of stops and starts. I started Countdown as a picture book in 1996, while freelancing and being a full-time mom as well. It grew up as my children (and I) did.

What do you hope kids will learn about the ’60s while reading your book?

I hope they see themselves in these novels. I hope they understand that history is really biography — personal narrative — and that their stories are important.

I always say that all stories come from three places: what you know and remember, what you feel, and what you can imagine. I hope kids will understand that, in the sixties (and in all of history), there is context for the life they live today, that there is choice, that they can make choices in their own lives today and tomorrow, that make a difference in the world.

I also hope that they laugh and love, right along with Franny.

Some people have referred to Countdown as a graphic novel or a documentary novel. What are they talking about, and how do you use the images to enhance your story?

As I wrote Countdown, I began collecting primary source materials in my research, and I started a file, a Word document, to house all these photos and sayings, newspaper clippings and song lyrics, etc. Soon, I discovered that I was using them to help me tell the story, and I could see that they belonged in the story, and — more than that — they were an actual part of the narrative. So I began to use them in that way, and you’ll find that Countdown is full of photographs and clippings and the social and political commentary of the early sixties.

Did you enjoy growing up in the ’60s?

I loved growing up in the sixties. Of course, I wasn’t aware that it was “the sixties,” but I surely knew that things were changing fast, right under my nose. One day Elvis was in, the next day it was the Beatles. The same with fashion and food and movies and culture — it was an exhilarating time to be alive.

Our kids today are surrounded by bad news — wars, terrorists, bombings, natural disasters. Yet, each generation must find reason to hope. How does learning about our past give students a better vision for the future?

The 1960s was one of the most turbulent, changing, challenging, and defining decades in American history. There was so much dire news then, as well, especially surrounding the war in Vietnam and the civil rights movement. There was cause to be afraid. And there was always hope.

And love. With Countdown, I hope to grab the reader’s imagination and heart and let her know that there is always cause to be afraid in the world, and yet, there is always, always hope.

There are heroes. And we are they. Each of us, individually, can be heroic in our own ways. And are. The way we live through hard times is by coming together.

Do you have an idea for what the next book in the series will be about?

Oh, yes. The next book takes place in 1966 and revolves around the civil rights movement in this country, and the escalation of the war in Vietnam. That’s the larger history arc. The story involves two girls, cousins, who are making a trip from Mississippi to Memphis to find Elvis Presley, whom one of the girls is convinced, with reasonable proof, is her father.

One last question. Many of us here are parents trying to balance a desire to write with managing our homes and families. You didn’t start out as a novelist, did you? Can you share how your writing journey evolved and give us a couple of tips for hanging in there when we’re jotting stories on the back of the box of animal crackers at the playground?

I love this question. It speaks to the heart of my writing life. I knew, when I was in my twenties and had two young children, that I wanted to be a writer, but I didn’t understand what I had to write about — the desire was so strong, but I didn’t have a story. Or, more accurately, I didn’t understand my story.

In the library, I stumbled across the great essayists — E.B. White was my favorite — and began to see that I could write about my everyday life and turn that into story. I read and practiced for a long, long time. I wrote with a toddler holding onto my leg and saying, “Play, Mommy!” and I wrote at 2am. I wrote with a kindergartener doing his homework beside me. I wrote in fifteen-minute snatches.

I also read what I wanted to write — I checked out bags of books from the library and studied them as I read them to my children. Two books that meant a lot to me were WHEN I WAS YOUNG IN THE MOUNTAINS by Cynthia Rylant and HONEY I LOVE by Eloise Greenfield. I took those books apart, to see how they were structured. I so admired Molly Bang’s TEN NINE EIGHT, that I took it apart as well, and — years later — wrote ONE WIDE SKY.

I studied writers I admired. I took a writing class from a good teacher at the local community college, and then another one. I sent stories to New York publishers for ten years before someone was willing to work with me… and then it took another five years before FREEDOM SUMMER and LOVE, RUBY LAVENDER were published.

In those ten years, and in the ten years before that, I freelanced. I wrote essays and magazine features, and I was largely self-taught. I worked for free at first, in order to gather clips. I took those clips to larger papers and magazines, and eventually got paid. I got into a routine that had me up at 4am, writing, every day. It’s a habit I still adhere to today, and it serves me well. No one was awake at 4am, and I could get in two good hours of writing time before it was time to make breakfast for four children and see my husband out the door.

Wow. That’s an amazing schedule. I admire you for being able to get up that early.

A good friend told me once, “you have to want it more than sleep.” I’m not sure about that. What I do know that I was compelled to tell my story. I needed to tell it. Over and over again. And I still feel that compulsion today. I’m still writing out of my life, telling my story. I appreciate the chance to tell some of it here, at Mom2Mom. Thanks very much.

Thank YOU, Deborah, for taking time out of your busy schedule to speak to us here and encourage us in our reading, writing, and parenting journeys. You have blessed us here more than you’ll ever know!

You can read more about Deborah Wiles’ novels on her website. And here’s a book trailer where you can also SEE an interview with the author:

In honor of Mother’s Day, I want to highlight one of my all-time favorite writers, Marion Bond West. She’s the author of hundreds of stories in Guideposts magazine, as well as several books. I grew up devouring my mother’s Guideposts as soon as they came in the mail, and when I was in college, my dear grandfather started giving me gift subscriptions, which continued into my 30s. It’s because of Guideposts that I learned to love the art of writing inspirational essays.

Marion Bond West’s stories always leaped off the page at me, especially because we’re from the same state of Georgia. I couldn’t believe how effortless she made it seem to write about her deep, dark secrets and struggles. It’s this type of transparent writing that opens a reader’s heart. Marion opened mine when I could tell her stories were probably written with a box of tissues close by.

I had the awesome privilege of sharing dinner with Marion and her husband when she was the keynote speaker at a Christmas event in my hometown a few years ago. I wrote up this experience, and it’s still one of the most-read posts in my archives, which you can read here.

When her book, Praying for My Life, was released, I wanted to review it for my Christian Women Online Book Buzz column, and I asked her publicist if I could interview Marion. Which I did, by telephone.

She was so gracious to take the time to speak to me, even though she has millions of readers who would love a minute of her time! I asked her the question that had been burning on my heart after reading her book, “How do you KNOW God is speaking to you?”

And she answered, “Oh, He’s speaking to you all the time. Just listen, and you’ll know.”

I want to be a better writer. I want to be able to write more transparently, like Marion. But I have such a hard time doing this, and I especially don’t feel comfortable writing about my kids. You’d think with a blog called “Mom 2 Mom Connection,” I’d get a kick out of blabbing about my own children, but I don’t. They’re the source of my private joys and frustrations, which I write about mostly in my pen-and-paper journal. It’s a safe, quiet place for me to work out my faith.

As I grow older, and as my kids grow older, perhaps I’ll feel more comfortable opening up. It’s easier to share a lesson learned when the lesson is over than when you’re in the midst of trial. Right now, I’m still focusing on survival.

I think that’s why I’ve enjoyed Marion’s stories so much about her early years of mothering. It was hard, sticky, messy, exhausting, but when she wrote about it, she’d lived through it and had gained the perspective she needed to encourage the rest of us. Her story, “Glory at the Garbage Can” is my absolute favorite. In it, she writes about the time when her twin sons were two, and she fled the house into the night, carrying sacks of trash. Alone at the garbage can, she finally has a moment of privacy, and as she confesses her failings as a mother, God intervenes, and gives her joy. I love this kind of writing. I just don’t know how to do it!

I recently discovered that Marion Bond West and her daughter, Julie West Garmon, who is also a wonderful writer, have a new blog together, called Woman to Woman. I can’t wait to browse through their posts! I also discovered a couple of beautiful essays Marion wrote for a blogging friend, Aging Gracefully — From a Seventy-Something Perspective, part one and part two.

Guideposts is currently collecting stories focusing on motherhood. Do you have a memory of you and your mom that you want to preserve? Read here for some examples, and read here to learn how you can submit your own.

I wish you all a Happy Mother’s Day!

It’s spring here in Georgia, and our gorgeous dogwoods and azaleas are sending me out into the yard with my clippers, snipping a frenzy of bouquets to spruce up our home. I’m not at all a gardener, but our house rests on property where generations before me still share their love of natural beauty.

If you’re like me and love flowers, then I must tell you about a new young adult book I recently read by Amy Brecount White. It’s called Forget-Her-Nots and shares the story of 14-year-old Laurel’s blossoming realization that she has a supernatural gift of being able to communicate through flowers.

As I read this book, I felt the author to be one of those few kindred spirits I have in this world. She has a fantastic love of literature and her depth of knowledge blew me away. After reading the book, I wanted to know more about her, and I was thrilled when she agreed to answer a few of my questions.

I hope you enjoy meeting Amy Brecount White and will visit her website to learn more about what she’s up to.

Welcome, Amy! How did you get the idea to write a book about the Victorian language of flowers?

It was a combination of factors. I was freelancing a lot of non-fiction articles and always on the lookout for new story ideas. I came across a beautiful coffee table book on tussie-mussies, which are symbolic Victorian bouquets. Although I tried to sell an article on this topic, I never did.

Later, I went to hear author Toni Morrison speak, and she advised aspiring writers to “write the story that only you can write.” That struck a chord with me, and I started to think about my loves and what I cared about most. Flowers, teenage girls (since I’d taught at an all-girls school), literature, and relationships.

I hope you can see all my loves in Forget-Her-Nots.

Oh, yes definitely! That was great advice from Toni Morrison, and I think it’s what makes your book so unique. Are you anything like your main character, Laurel?

Yes, although I don’t have the gift of flowers, I do have a very sensitive nose and adore flowers and gardening. I think all characters have something of their author in them too, even the mean ones. I also coach my daughter’s soccer team and used to play myself.

I’m not surprised to hear that you’re an experienced soccer player and coach! I really enjoyed jumping right into the game with Laurel since I’ve been a soccer mom for several years (though never a player!) Amy, Can you tell us more about how you became so interested in tussie-mussies, which play such an integral role in the plot of your novel?

It came from the book I mentioned earlier and a lot of research into the language of flowers and Shakespeare’s use of flowers. There isn’t a definitive language, but the list in the back of my book contains the most common meanings associated with flowers throughout Western culture. I would love to explore flower mythology and meanings from Eastern cultures — especially India, China, and Japan — in a future novel.

Do you ever send anyone these little bouquets of flowers?

Yes. Before the idea of Forget-Her-Nots was born, a friend and neighbor of mine had ovarian cancer, so I made her a bouquet with flower messages for her health, hope, and strength. I wished so much that it would come true, and that was one of the seeds that led me to write my novel.

I’ve also created a tussie-mussie out of photos of flowers for a niece who lives too far away to send fresh ones.

That’s a great idea, sending a digital bouquet to someone you love. What is your favorite flower?

I love all flowers, but I adore gardenias for their sweet scent and loveliness. Bleeding hearts, lilacs, and dogwoods are other favorites, as they are all blooming in my yard right now.

Oh, I’m sure your yard must be beautiful! As we’re approaching Mother’s Day next month, what flowers would you recommend for a pretty Mother’s Day “tussie mussie?”

I recommend any combination of these flowers and herbs that would smell lovely, and don’t forget to include a card deciphering the meaning of the flowers.

Rosemary – I’ll remember you always.

Sage – I esteem you and all you do for me.

Gardenia – To “transport” you to a place where you’ll be ecstatic.

Fennel – You are worthy of all praise.

White bellflowers – I’m so grateful for all you do.

Irises – To send my message to you.

These are all so lovely, and most should be blooming or available easily around Mother’s Day.

You’ve inspired me to really give careful thought to the meaning of flowers! Back to your novel, was this story based on actual people or places?

I tried to stay true to the countryside and architecture around Charlottesville, Virginia, but there’s no Avondale school there, and I’ve never attended boarding school. I also used historical details about orchid hunters, Charlotte de Latour, and Mt. Kinabalu. Everything else is a product of my over-active imagination!!

Did you ever sneak around like Laurel reading really old books about the secret language of flowers?

Oh! Fun question. I wish. When I was her age, I did stay awake long after I was supposed to be, reading a good book under the covers. In fact, I still stay up too late reading, but I don’t have to hide it anymore. I just have to drink more coffee or green tea the next day. 😉

Are there really people known as “Flower Speakers?”

You never know…. Truly, I think anyone who gives flowers to another person in a spirit of love and good will speak the language. You can lift another person’s mood for days by giving her or him flowers. (This was proven in a study at Rutgers University.)

What do you hope readers will gain from reading Forget-Her-Nots?

My Publisher’s Weekly review said I had “a reverence for the natural world,” which thrilled me. I definitely hope that all my readers young to older will look at flowers differently and see how truly amazing they are. Also, most of my stories are intergenerational and emphasize our connectedness through the generations. I hope young readers see that especially.

Do you have any advice for moms who are trying to take care of their families while also squeezing in a little time to write?

Yes. I freelanced for newspapers (The Washington Post) and magazines (FamilyFun, Washingtonian, Notre Dame Magazine) when my three kids were younger. It was very satisfying to do the research, write the piece, and see it published in a relatively short time. So much we do as moms is repetitive and never-ending. So I would advise budding writers to take on some short projects first. Try your local newspaper or parenting magazine.

I’d also advise you to go easy on yourself and be happy if you write a little bit every day. Definitely always carry a notebook. Some of my best inspiration came on playgrounds!

This is very thoughtful advice, Amy! I’m sure many moms out there can relate to jotting down story ideas on the playground. How do you manage to spend time with your kids and still be a productive writer?

If I’m on a tough deadline, I wake up at 5 or 5:30 and write for a while before I have to get the kids out the door. Then the rest of the day seems to go more smoothly. If you want to do both, you can’t ever have writers’ block. No time!

So I’d always write notes to myself at the end of my writing time about where to start next. I’d give myself a concrete problem to solve or scene to write, so I could start immediately. I often wrote in snatches, meaning an hour here and there. Some writers think they need hours, but writing during nap time or quiet time works well, if you’ve given yourself a specific and doable task.

Also, you have to be able to walk by the pile of smelly laundry and crumby counter and focus on writing. I throw laundry in when I need a break, but try to do most of the housework after my working hours. Now my kids are in school all day, so that helps.

Wow. You make running a home seem compatible with carving out a writing life. These are such great ideas! Are you working on another book now?

Yes, it’s called String Theories. It’s about a 14-year-old girl who gets in over her head, the physics of relationships, a stream, and getting even. It’s a little edgier than the first one, so I’d recommend for ages 14 and up.

I’m sure it will be fantastic. Thanks so much for visiting us here at Mom 2 Mom Connection, Amy! We wish you the best with your writing endeavors and look forward to seeing your next book!

Thanks so much and thanks for hosting me!

You’re welcome!

Note: Special thanks to Susan Salzman Raab and the other fine folks at Raab Associates in NYC for introducing me and everybody here to Amy Brecount White and her books.

I went to see Michael Flatley’s Lord of the Dance the other night, and it was the most amazing live performance I’ve ever seen. My daughters took Irish dancing a couple of years, so I recognized some of the music and choreography, but I was totally unprepared to see these dozens of feet on fire.

At the end of the show, the dancers bowed to a wild, sold-out audience of clapping, screaming fans. Even I had to join in with a few hoots and hollers, forgetting for a moment I spend most of my days hauling little people around in my mom taxi. It was wonderful. Our joined hearts were flaming. And then it was time to go home.

The theater lights went out; people in the audience started shuffling, looking for purses and umbrellas. But it was so dark. A minute passed.

And then the stage lit up again, the music and lights electrified the room, and the dancers appeared, entertaining us with an encore that somehow surpassed their previous two hours of work. I didn’t know the human foot could possibly move that fast! We clapped and hollered some more, filled with the rich heritage of Ireland.

As I drove home that night, I thought about the darkness that preceded that encore. We really thought the show was over — but the best was yet to come. It reminded me of what an editor once told us wannabe writers at a conference — she used the term, “fruitful darkness.”

She said sometimes you write something, and you think it’s so good, you send it out before it’s ready. Or you get back some work from an editor full of change requests, and you want to dash off an angry email shouting IN ALL CAPS how your writing was already perfect. Instead, she encouraged us to take advantage of the “fruitful darkness,” by letting our work sit for a while, giving it at least 24 hours to rest in silence. In time, you’ll have the energy and renewed vision to give your work the passion it needs.

The same goes for our writing careers, I believe. Sometimes, as mothers, we must spend long YEARS in the darkness, writing quietly in our journals or private correspondences because the timing is not quite right for us to pursue publication. Our families need to eat meals our hands prepare, they need clean socks in their drawers, and most of all, they need our focused attention. And love.

While our writing waits in the dark, we can still be getting our creative acts together, behind stage, waiting for the lights to come on, the music to begin, and the timing to be right for our best performance.

I hope all of you moms out there are having a great summer, enjoying these school-free days with your children. I’m keeping busy driving kids to summer camps and the pool.

Today, we made three big batches of homemade play-dough, and it’s amazing how this never fails to entertain all ages.

I have another lovely article to post here, with permission from the author. I hope you can find a few minutes to read Karen’s thoughts. She inspires me to seek contentment and joy, found in the relationships I treasure.

Multiple Streams of Contentment

By Karen Whiting

My mother didn’t smile on my wedding day. She spent the day overwhelmed with sadness although she loved me and loved my fiancé. He was everything she wanted in a husband for me. The wedding stayed within budget and everything went off fairly smoothly. My extended family all attended, everyone got along, and tried to cheer her up. Yet, my wedding photos will always show her sad expression.

The day before the wedding my mentally handicapped brother had lost his little job of waiting on tables at a school cafeteria. Although social workers could easily place him in a new position, mom remained discontented and focused on that problem the entire day. She made the mistake of magnifying one problem, so that it robbed her of joy on such a happy occasion.

Many people let one problem override all the blessings in their lives. It steals their contentment. They forget to trust their anxieties to God and rejoice in the blessings he has given them.

Some people fixate on something until it changes their personality and fills them with negative emotions that spill out in sin. Herodias, in Matthew 14, is an example of a person whose discontent led to a life of sin. She had a husband but chose the sin of adultery. She must have been discontent with her husband. She felt more discontent at hearing John the Baptist speak of repentance and point out her sin. That led to her plotting the murder of John the Baptist. She trampled over people and even used her beautiful daughter to get her way. She ignored John’s calls to repent, the one action that would have healed her heart and given her joy. Her bad choice snowballed into disaster for many.

In contrast, Paul spoke about contentment in Philippians four and said that he had learned to be content in prosperous circumstances and impoverished situations. His circumstances could not rob him of his joy or peace. It is very seldom that every detail in life is perfect because we live in a fallen world, but we can make choices that help us remain content despite our circumstances.

My mother finally discovered how to be content after a stroke left her partially paralyzed. She started to listen as we expressed gratitude for her life and what she could still do. When she complained that she could no longer do crafts, I mentioned that with her good hand she could write letters, a lost art, to grandchildren away at college and to her friends. She struggled to use a walker and spent much of her time in a wheelchair, but she spent time thanking God for her blessings of family, the patient care-giving of my father, the use of one hand, and a new ministry of writing letters of encouragement to family and friends. She realized that joy came as she filled her life with multiple streams of contentment.

Viewing all the different blessings in life is like seeing many streams that flow into an ocean or a lake. If one stream dries up, others keep flowing. One stream of contentment we can create is to do something for others. It gives us purpose. List your abilities and talents and consider ways to use them to bless others.

God is a giver of blessings. We learn in James 1:16-17, “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” Blessings from God may be in the form of friends, financial security, a home, health, pets, clothing, and food. The meeting of our basic needs is a gift. Each one of these can become a stream filled with blessings. So let the abundance of gratitude for blessings flow into your heart. Consider each aspect of life as a different stream. There is always one stream that is bubbling up with blessings to fill your life with contentment.

In Philippians four, Paul provides wisdom regarding contentment: he urges people to live in harmony, rejoice in the Lord, and give anxieties to God in prayer. He encourages people to let their minds dwell on positive thoughts, stating that we should think about what is true, lovely, honorable, pure, true, and anything excellent. Positive thoughts help our emotions flow in an optimistic direction. To do this, list the blessings in each stream of life.

Spiritual streams include a relationship with Jesus, prayer, church family, Christian music, Bible study, and church fellowship.

Relational streams include family, friends, faith friends, co-workers, acquaintances, and new people we meet.

Blessings in daily life include past memories, pleasant thoughts, encouraging words, compliments, accomplishments, laughter, and smiles.

In creating the world, God also created beauty to provide natural streams of contentment filled with beautiful sunsets and sunrises, wonders of nature, blossoms, gentle breezes, showers that cause the earth to spring forth in color, and creatures that scurry and fly about.

After listing the positives, praise God for each one. Thank God for each friend and every little circumstance that is going well.

Then list past prayer requests that God answered. Thank God again for each response. Then add any new prayer needs. It’s easier to trust God and give away worries when you recall the past times when God met your needs.

To prevent the flow of blessings from drying up, of being blocked as a dam blocks a river’s flow, spend time nurturing the streams. Paul’s contentment continued in prison and despite hardships. He nurtured his relationships. He continually prayed and wrote letters. He sent greetings to friends and encouraged his companions and fellow-workers with praise. Paul’s later years stood in stark contrast to the discontented man who watched alone, as his soldiers stoned Stephen (Acts 7:58-8:3). They placed Stephen’s cloak at Paul’s feet. It’s a lonely image of someone isolated from others. He made threats from the anger of discontentment and asked others to write letters for him, letters to imprison Christians. As a Christian, he viewed the blessings in life as gifts from God and knew the joy of friendships.

Paul developed a network of friends everywhere he traveled. And he encouraged his friends to live in harmony and stay focused on their relationship with Jesus. Paul’s letters to Timothy urge Timothy to continue his relationship with God, to visit him, and to fill his life with loving actions.

Paul’s wise words offer ways to keep the streams flowing. First, continue in your relationship with God. Do not let blockage occur from sin. His letters encourage people to keep the relationship with God right and strong. He sang songs in jail and praised God in the midst of trials. Secondly, work at relationships. Keep in touch with people, invite them to visit, praise them and express gratitude for their friendship. Paul generated streams in lives of others. Paul had discovered the truth of Jesus’ words in John 7:38, “Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him.”

My mother suffered from cancer in the final months of her life. When she called to say she had cancer I asked, “Mom, are you ready to go home to the Lord?” She said, ” Yes.” I could hear joy in her voice in spite of pain that filled her body. My children put together little care packages and wrapped up a tiny treasure to open each day. They made little crafts, wrote cards, wrapped photos, and taped messages. She smiled at each little gift. She had something positive to look forward to each day. My father, her husband of fifty years, read Scriptures at her request. She nurtured the streams.

My mentally handicapped brother had to be coaxed to visit her. He didn’t think mom would know him because she was so near death. As he entered the room I asked, “Mom, do you know who is here.” She almost yelled, something very difficult for her to do and said, “Johnny. I hear Johnny.” That melted Johnny’s heart and he stayed by her side for the afternoon, holding a cup and straw for her to sip water. She thanked him. She had learned to work at the relationships even when it became most difficult.

Until her final hours my mother did not feel pain. As she passed on to heaven, my dad and some siblings surrounded her. My mother had learned an important truth: streams of contentment can be a powerful force to ease pain, change our perspective, and create peace in our hearts.

About the Author:

A creative person with creative solutions- that’s Karen Whiting! She has a heart for busy women and desires to help them free up time for what God has truly called them to do in relationships and ministry. She challenges listeners to discover ways to connect, serve, and treasure one another.

Karen found time to follow God’s call to write even while she and husband, Jim moved around the US and raised their five children. They currently live on Maryland’s eastern shore and are new grandparents.

An author of ten books for women, families and children, Karen writes to creatively strengthen families. Her articles have appeared in dozens of magazines, including Focus on the Family, Today’s Christian Woman, Christian Parenting Today, and Parent Life. Karen has been named Who’s Who of American Women, Who’s Who in the World, and Professional Speakers Network member of the year award. Karen has been a guest on numerous radio shows and hosted the educational television series Puppets on Parade. With humor and inspiration, Karen loves to encourage women to nurture their relationships and family life.

Find out more about Karen at her website.

To schedule Karen for a speaking event or interview, please contact Kathy Carlton Willis Communications at WillisWay@aol.com or check out the KCW blog.

I ran across this article in my email in-box and thought it offered some great ideas. The author has given permission to post it here, and I hope you can visit her encouraging website, Mom and Loving It.

“Saved By the Bell: A Summer to Remember”
by Sharon Lovejoy Autry

The final bell rang. The kids screamed for joy. Mom sits in the carpool line wondering, “What in the world are we going to do all summer?!”

Maybe as summer has begun, you’ve found yourself resentful and angry because your children constantly “interrupt” your schedule. If that’s how you’re feeling, you’re normal.

But, wait. We wanted these kids, right? Are they really interruptions or blessings in disguise? How can we move from simply surviving the summer to making it a summer to remember?

Here are a few ideas to get you out of the summer survival rut:

1. Realize they won’t be this way forever. What is it about your kids that you won’t have in two years? If you are a parent of:

* Preschoolers: Look at their hands and notice how tiny they are. Enjoy that.

* Elementary children: When you’re away from home, call them. Their voices sound small on the phone. That always reminds me to enjoy their innocence rather than expecting them to act like little grown-ups.

* Tweens: Laugh at and enjoy their giggles (usually girls) and the fascination they have with being gross (usually boys)! Hopefully that won’t last forever!

* Teens: Even if they are driving you crazy, make your home the safe place. I still remember the fun place our parents created at home. It was our refuge. Let kids feel safe in your home by cutting down on the criticism and looking for ways to build them up. Mom and Dad’s secret was a ping-pong table. We spent hours there.

2. Say “no” with a smile. It makes you and your child feel better. They know you have some regret at having to say no. You are on their team.

3. Play music. Anger and music don’t usually dance. Movie soundtracks, praise songs, music from my teen years or even classical stations. I rarely find myself upset with my kids when we have music playing in the background.

4. Go outside. Sometimes taking a walk or bike ride with the kids can do wonders to change everyone’s perspective.

5. Things aren’t always as they seem. Remember that the way you are seeing things at this moment is probably not how it will look in a couple of hours. Frustrations can build and dissolve quickly when you have kids.

6. Offer them 30 minutes of your time. After they have helped pick up around the house let them pick what the two of you will do together and watch their eyes light up! For older kids, offer them the day off after helping for an hour.

7. Ask your kids what they think is fun. You might be surprised to find that their idea of fun often doesn’t cost any money. My sister was amazed to find that her 7-year-old son’s idea of “fun” was playing tag in the front yard with dad, mom and his little sister.

8. Slow down. Successful parenting doesn’t mean you have your children involved in every possible extra-curricular activity. Successful parenting means you are there for them. If you’ve been running all year, it takes “practice” to enjoy staying home. Don’t give up. Turn off the computer, TV, cell phone, etc. and read or play games (no matter what the age of your children).

9. Pray. When you are at your wit’s end, ask God to help you remember what to do with your kids. On our own, it’s hard to enjoy the moments because “life happens.” But God has a way of giving us perspective that will slow us down and help us see our families the way He sees them: with love and compassion.

The next time you blow your top or realize you’re just surviving your kids instead of enjoying their clumsy feet, silliness, or their constant desire to talk on the phone, stop and think, “one day I’ll miss this!” The funny thing is, tomorrow we’ll be longing for today. If we choose to think like that long enough, the kids won’t be the only ones sad to hear the school bell ring this fall.

Sharon (Lovejoy) Autry, a mom of 3, co-authored Mom and Loving It, Finding Contentment in REAL Life with her sister, Laurie (Lovejoy) Hilliard, mom of 4. Visit their website, Mom and Loving It.