What were you doing on 9-11-01?

Five years ago, we were living way out in the country, on a dirt road. Since I didn’t have the TV on that morning, I left the house to drop off my oldest daughter at preschool without knowing anything had happened.

My next stop was at a church, where my kindergarten-aged son joined in with our homeschool chorus. They were practicing for an upcoming musical. When I dropped him off at the door, the director, Julie, looked worried.

“I guess we’ll still have our chorus practice,” she said.

“Is there something wrong?” I asked her.

“Well, when you get back in the car, turn your radio on,” she told me. “A plane just struck the World Trade Center.”

My stomach dropped. I didn’t know what she meant — but I was too embarrassed to ask questions because I thought I should know more.

I listened to the radio on the way home, with my one-year-old babbling happily in the backseat. I couldn’t believe it. The other plane had struck by then, and the radio announcer said another plane had crashed in a field in Pennsylvania. I felt for sure we were under attack, and I was scared to death.

My husband called as soon as I got home, and he said it was all over the news. I turned the TV on and joined the rest of the nation in shock, afraid to step away from the screen.

Later in the morning, the Lord put an old friend on my heart, and I wondered what she’d been up to lately. The urge to talk to her was so strong that I called her up. What she told me was even more devastating than what I kept seeing over and over on TV.

We talked briefly about the tragic news in New York, then I asked how she was doing.

“Not too well,” she told me. Her voice began to waver. “I found out my babysitter’s 14-year-old son was molesting my four-year-old daughter.” We both started to cry on the phone. Honestly, that news affected me more than anything on TV.

I told her how sorry I was, then she shared with me a few details of how they found out and what they’d had to go through — taking their little girl to the hospital for tests, getting a court order, the complete devastation and anger her family felt. They had trusted this family who ran an in-home daycare service. These were church-going people, and it came as a shock to everyone.

My heart was heavy all day; as I watched images of the two planes crashing over and over again, and the Twin Towers crumbling, I also thought of that little four-year-old girl whose childhood innocence had been destroyed.

Well, I’ve never written about that before — but in the five years following that day, I find that I don’t trust any teenage boys around my children. (Sorry, no offense, if you have teen boys!) I really have a hard time trusting ANYone around my kids. Thankfully, I can be home most of the time, and we also live near both sets of grandparents.

Anyway, that’s how 9-11-01 affected me personally … and profoundly.

We stayed glued to the TV for several days, at first praying there would be survivors, and then praying for the victims’ families. We read and listened to the many inspirational stories of heroes, looking for a glimmer of hope amidst all the terror. As our country united against evil, we bowed together asking God for His mercy and peace.

Shannon at Rocks in My Dryer is compiling blogger stories about 9-11, and Trish Berg’s column at CBN.com, The Day When Terror Met Love, includes tips on how parents can teach their children about this tragedy.

Our children’s choirs at church are already practicing for their Christmas musical, which will be in early December. I’m so impressed with what they’re working on, I just had to tell you about it.

If you’re in a huge church, it’s probably too late to start looking for material to put on a children’s Christmas performance. But if you’re in a smaller church or homeschool, then this musical might be the perfect solution for something you could do.

The author, Nancy Brant, has a website that shows pictures of the children performing “Joy Story” in costume. She’s the director of one of the largest children’s choir programs in the country, First Baptist Church of Jacksonville, Florida. Her program has a whopping 700 kids ages 4 through 5th grade, and she’s been doing this for nearly 30 years. She also helped direct the children’s choirs for the Billy Graham crusade in Jacksonville and Nashville, along with Diane Dawson.

Here’s the information about it from the website:

“Joy Story” is a Christmas Musical Fantasy set in a wonderful place called “The Joy Store.” It is the ultimate toy store where the toys are priceless and the joy is free!

As the story begins, Miss Joy is worried by news that her lease has been bought by a “mega” toy store owner, FAO Schmaltz, who can’t wait to make LOTS of changes – and LOTS of money! As he arrives to begin his renovations, the “toys” step “down from their shelves and into his heart” to teach him about “the Scarlet Thread” that weaves its way through the Bible, tracing a path from God to man.

Along the way, the toys show him the real reason for Christmas. With each song, FAO and your audience will discover another piece of “the tapestry” as God’s picture of Jesus is revealed.

At the end of their journey is the manger. As FAO comes face to face with Emmanuel, he discovers that “in every heart there is a longing” to know Jesus. Come along with the toys on an unforgettable musical adventure and discover that God always gives power to those who will tell His Story!

Doesn’t this sound awesome? It’s exciting for me as a parent to know my children will experience the Christmas story in a fresh way this year. Sure, we could sit at home and read it out loud from the book of Luke, which we’ll do as a family, but this allows them to also experience it with their peers.

Which reminds me, have you read The Best Christmas Pageant Ever by Barbara Robinson? Oh, I loved that book growing up, and I read it again last year with my son who was in 4th grade. Those Herdman kids teach me something new every time I read it.

I know it’s still September, but I felt a breath of the Christmas spirit blow over me today. The church sent home a CD for us to listen to the music and practice it. Hopefully, as we move closer to Christmas, this will help our kids see the real reason for celebrating the birth of Christ.

As a writer, I thank God for people like Nancy Brant, who took her creativity and passion for music and wrote something and made it professionally available for others to enjoy. If you have a love of music, writing, and children, maybe God wants YOU to write something to share with the world.

Nothing is more important than leading a future generation to KNOW God in a personal way!

Several people have called or emailed me and asked how our new school is going — so I thought I’d multitask and post my thoughts here. School is going great — except for one problem.

Handwriting.

Ugh! Can any of you relate? I regret that over the summer I didn’t take things more seriously and get my kids working on cursive handwriting. Most Christian schools in my area use the A Beka curriculum, which teaches cursive handwriting from the beginning. Even the 5-year-olds in kindergarten learn to write only in cursive.

Just to give you some background, we homeschooled the first three years using Handwriting Without Tears curriculum, which taught ball-and-stick print. Then my oldest started public school in 3rd grade and learned to write in cursive. But he prefers print, and he wrote in print most of the time in 4th grade and did well in school.

My 3rd grade daughter has never had ANY cursive handwriting before. So she was in tears the second night, while I tried to teach her how to write her name.

“I can’t do it! I’ll never be able to write an ‘a.’ I’ll never be able to write an ‘s.’ It doesn’t make any sense to me. I just can’t do it!” is what I heard over and over again.

I went to a local teacher supply store and tried to buy some supplementary workbooks, but they don’t match with the A Beka handwriting. Thankfully, their teachers have sent home some practice sheets and some handwriting paper, and we’ll be working through these.

So, in addition to all the other things I do every day, I’m now a cursive handwriting coach/cheerleader. And you know what? It’s kind of fun. And it brings back memories.

When I was 8 years old, my family moved to a new school system. It was in March of my third grade year. In my old school, we hadn’t even started cursive yet, but in my new school, everyone wrote in cursive. I came home in tears, and I remember my Dad sitting down patiently with me helping me learn to write cursive. He said, “You can do it. It’s just a different kind of handwriting, but you’re smart. You’ll pick it up fine.” Well, I got the hang of it in less than a week.

The choices of handwriting curriculum can be completely overwhelming these days. Here’s a site that gives you an overview, including samples of all the fonts. When I was homeschooling, I remember going to curriculum fairs and feeling seized with panic that I might ruin my children forever if they learned the wrong way!

Many of my homeschooling friends taught their children italic handwriting, which combines print and cursive in one style. Others used traditional print methods, then later cursive. It’s hard to know what to do. My advice to homeschooling moms would be to teach your kids what you both feel most comfortable with, but keep an eye on what your local school system teaches, as well as the private schools — just in case. We have a great teacher supply store in town, and the owner knows all that.

We’re all hitting the books here — dotting our i’s and crossing our t’s. With plenty of loops and swirls.

Yesterday was our first day of school here. What a change! I’d read in magazines how moms are supposed to help kids ease back into the school routine by spending a few days going to bed earlier and getting up earlier.

We didn’t do that. Oops.

So Monday morning came as a shock to us. But last night — WHEW! At 9 pm, we had lights out in our entire house. Everybody was exhausted. That’s what happens when you get up at 6:30 a.m. and go non-stop all day. (Actually, I was up much earlier than that. )

I love it. I love order and routine. In contrast, our kids had plenty of free time this summer to relax, sleep in, and do whatever they wanted. They each attended a couple of short day camps and Vacation Bible School — and that was it. I didn’t overschedule them this summer — so I don’t feel one iota of guilt now that they’re back on a routine. This is life. This is discipline. Our God created order — our universe is organized and orderly. So our lives should be as well.

I read FlyLady all summer — and she’s finally got me wrapped around her little pinkie finger. OK, OK! We’re doing it. We’re doing the evening and morning routines. No more excuses. No more whining. Our clothes are laid out the night before. We’re working on the hot spots — we have a lot of those.

My new rule this year is that all the kids have to be dressed — in uniform, including socks and shoes — at the breakfast table by 7 am. We’ve done it two days now — can we keep it up the rest of the year? This is why I’m blogging about it — if I write about it, you people mysteriously hold me accountable. We WILL be up and dressed and to the breakfast table by 7 am.

This morning, I made buckwheat pancakes with whipped cream and blueberries — and bacon. That got everyone up and at ’em. I can’t eat the pancakes. Have y’all been reading about my major diet change? I’m blogging about it over at Lively Women. The South Beach Diet is working for me. I lost another pound over the weekend — and I had so much energy last night, I swept the entire garage and played baseball and football in the yard. After cooking a huge supper with lots of vegetables and cleaning the kitchen.

Me … yeah me. Y’all just do not KNOW how different I’ve felt the past several years compared to now. I’m getting my life back. I’ll spare you the tears. My life requires a huge push of energy to get anything done around here — and I just haven’t had it because I’ve been too busy stuffing my face with the wrong kinds of food.

It started with me … now this is flowing to my family. Has anyone else noticed that getting in shape physically has a major effect on your emotional, spiritual, and mental health as well? More on this later.

Oh, and I have a new blogging schedule. My schedule is — no schedule! If I have something rambling around in my mind that’s worth writing here, I’ll spill it. But if not, I’ll be out throwing a football in the yard or walking my dog down to the creek. So I may blog often, or I may not. I think this article got to me: Why Blog Post Frequency Does Not Matter Anymore. Read it — you’ll be surprised. It’s by Eric Kintz.

We had school orientation tonight — at the private Christian school where our kids will attend this year. Interesting. A very new experience for me. I actually opened the student handbook and browsed through the rules. We have a dress code of course, since all the kids wear uniforms, but how about this? We also have a strict “hair code.”

Fad hairstyles are not acceptable. Any applied color that is not normal … is NOT acceptable for girls or boys. Hair is to be cleaned and groomed. Hair length for boys should not touch the collar of a standard dress shirt or cover any portion of the ears. “Rat tails” are not acceptable.

Rat tails? I had to think about that one. Oh yeah. Those things.

But the real music to my ears was this: Piano lessons during the school day. The piano teacher actually comes to the school, and if your kids are signed up, they’ll slip out of the classroom for a half-hour lesson, then go back to class. DURING SCHOOL HOURS. I don’t have to haul five kids to somebody’s house and keep up with energetic toddlers during lessons. All I have to do is become a kyoiku mama and tell them to practice at home.

Now THAT’S what I call an unexpected blessing.

I’m trying to find out a few things about sugar substitutes. Are they safe? As I’ve been cutting sugar out of my diet, I’m also wondering about this same thing for my children. Just from making a few diet changes, I’ve lost ten pounds and have seen a surge in my energy level. Now, I’m not having a problem with letting sugar go — but what about for my kids?

Take these Capri Sun drinks, for example. Everybody uses them — when you’ve got a bunch of thirsty kids outside, it’s a pain having to dole out cups, ice, and pour drinks. Juice boxes and pouches simplify this task enormously. But when I checked the sugar content recently, they have 26 grams of sugar for a 6-ounce pouch. This is more than a Coke, which has 39 grams of sugar for 12 ounces.

My problem — I needed to plan a super simple menu for my son’s birthday party, which was held yesterday at a pool. Since most of my friends have 3 or more kids of all ages — you get a few of us together, and you have a ton of kids. We had over 30, ranging in age from one-year-old to college student. And everybody needed a drink of course.

So I brought some water bottles for the parents and older kids — but for the younger ones, I bought the Capri Sun Roarin’ Waters drink, which tasted good and had only 9 grams of sugar. Then I noticed that it was sweetened with Splenda. Hmmm …. maybe it wasn’t such a great idea. Is Splenda safe for adults? Safe for kids? What is that stuff?

I’m just beginning to explore all of this. If any of you are further along in living healthy, please enlighten me. How do I get my kids to cut down on sugar? I know it’s addictive, and it’s leading our country to an epidemic of obesity and diabetes. It’s easy for me to drink water or Diet Coke, but what about kids? Have you read the sugar content on the side of an apple juice container lately?

I dropped off my second grader at Sunday School a couple days ago, and it was their end-of-summer party. The kids were being served chocolate iced doughnuts and red fruit juice in pouches. I’m thankful for her generous teachers, but I’m sure the sugar content was astronomical.

Where do we start to improve?

It’s hard to believe our schools begin in a little over a week! We’ve been going through some major family decisions and have decided to follow our hearts and enroll our three older children in a private Christian school this year.

I’ve blogged a little about our educational journey, which has included homeschooling and public school. Yet we’ve always said we’d take things year by year. Back in June, we attended a marriage retreat, and our speaker was a pastor from Wisconsin. He showed us slides of his family and said, “We’re very blessed that all three of our children can attend a Christian school.” When he said that, I felt this tugging on my heart — wishing our children could also be educated in a Christian setting.

Well, this dream became a prayer, and that prayer stirred my heart to start making phone calls and knocking on doors. I talked to so many people, gathering various opinions, checking out websites. And we’ve taken this first step. By faith.

We went shopping for school uniforms last week, something I’ve never done before. I was in complete awe as a polite sales girl brought me all the items we needed in the proper sizes. When my son told her, “I don’t need to try anything on; I can just tell if it fits,” it was wonderful to hear her say, “Oh no. You have to try these clothes on because some run big and some run small.” He went through several sizes and brands before she said, “Those are perfect.”

I had to stop myself from doing toe touches in the fitting area when I saw the transformation of my children from sloppy summer T-shirts and shorts to crisp, pleated MODEST school uniforms. The girls will wear cotton polos and skorts or jumpers. My son will also wear collared shirts tucked into neat shorts or pants. There are special colors for mid-week chapel, as well as field trips.

I watched other kids come out of the dressing rooms as they tried on uniforms, and I was amazed. A young teen girl wearing a halter top and typical shorts disappeared into the dressing room, emerging as a beautiful, modest young woman. If I were a teacher, I would take her much more seriously. She looked intellectual instead of … trampy.

Modesty is beautiful. The simplicity of school uniforms is beautiful.

When I brought everything to the cash register, I asked the clerk, “How long will it take to get the school logos sewn on?” I was embarrassed we were so last minute, wondering how much express postage would cost to have them mailed to us. But she looked over her shoulder at a teen girl busy pressing some things and said, “I think we’ll have all these done for you in about five minutes. Ten max.”

So we got all of our school shopping finished in less than an hour! I read in a magazine that the average parent will spend $483 per child on back-to-school clothes. We spent well below that — for clothes my kids would NEVER have picked out. But they’re so proud of their new uniforms!

We’re heading into a new adventure this year. My older daughter’s teacher already called us and said, “Our theme this year is F-R-O-G. It stands for Fully Relying on God.”

Fully Relying on God.

I wonder if she’d mind if I sat in the back of the room, taking a few notes.

Take a good look at this picture — do you see something funny? Yes, it’s supposed to look like this guy has wings. Well, I have to tell you about this story.

You know when you turn on the news or pick up the paper, what you see and hear is mostly bad, scary news. At least that’s what I usually feel bombarded with. Here’s some GOOD news. There really are modern day heroes in this world, like angels on earth. Maybe you’ve met one.

A few weeks ago, I interviewed several pilots for an article I was working on about the Angel Flight organization. I’d never heard of this before, so I had to do a lot of background reading to prepare even before I made any phone calls.

I couldn’t believe what I heard when I talked to these people. They’re pilots — busy, well-trained, well-educated pilots. And yet they VOLUNTEER their time, aircraft, and fuel to fly people in need of special medical help.

I talked to a pilot who flew a family with a newborn baby that needed specialized surgery in order to survive. They couldn’t afford to fly to a different state for this critical care, but the pilot flew them, and the baby survived. Another pilot said he takes a little girl from Florida to Tennessee every month so she can get her specialized chemo treatments for cancer. The distance and cost would have been impossible otherwise. His efforts are helping to preserve her life.

One pilot said he helped bring supplies to thousands of desperate people after hurricane Katrina wiped out their town. He happened to show up on his way home from somewhere else, and discovered this town had no communication and had been accidentally ignored by supply planes. The people had no food or water. There were pregnant women about to deliver, and they had no medical supplies!

The pilot said he flew back home and notified the Angel Flight offices. The next day, hundreds of people, volunteers, went out shopping at Wal-Mart and various places, loading up supplies. They flew five planes that very next day — saving this whole town of people! And within a few days, they’d sent out over 25 planes.

I was just in awe. You know, you think you can’t do much in the world, but you really can. Those people who shopped for diapers and formula at Wal-Mart were just as important as the volunteer pilots who flew the planes. Oh, and this man also helped set up a makeshift cellular communication system for the people as they waited for more help to arrive. Amazing.

These are our modern-day heroes, role models for my children. And yours.

We’re blessed today to be visited again by T. Suzanne Eller, author of several books for teens and parents of teens. She’s a popular speaker and media advocate for family issues.

If you missed our interview yesterday, you’ll want to check here first and read about Suzie’s nine-month-long conversation with hundreds of teenagers!

Welcome back, Suzie. Yesterday in the comments, you said that you had three children born within 19 months of each other. WHOA! So you obviously have some secrets on how to stay sane while raising kids close in age! Can you tell us a little about your family now?

I’ve been married to an amazing guy for 26 years. We have three children and a brand new son-in-law. Leslie is 24 and studying law at the University of Oklahoma. She wants one day to be a family judge. Our twins, Melissa and Ryan are 22.

Ryan just graduated from Northeastern State and is pursuing a career in sports broadcasting. He loves sports! Six years ago, he was critically injured by a drunk driver, and it stopped his sports activities. He was in the hospital for six weeks and in rehabilitation for a year, but he’s healthy and whole now and can’t wait to report on his favorite subject.

Oh, that sounds like a scary experience. I’m sure he has a powerful story to tell of God’s healing. How about your other daughter?

Ryan’s twin sister, Melissa, is a newlywed and is in graduate school at the University of Oklahoma studying community counseling. Her husband, our new son-in-law (son!), is also studying counseling at OU.

Wow, so you made it through the teen years, and your kids all turned out great!

They’re all pretty amazing people and we’ve entered the friendship stage of our relationship with is very, very cool.

Well, Suzie, back on this topic of parenting teenagers — what are some issues that teens are facing today that are unique for this generation?

Our young girls are accepting much less than they should in relationships and image. Their role models have changed, and the character traits modeled for them are about material things, physical sexuality, and your 15 minutes of fame. Most of the celeb role models in the public eye (MTV and others) don’t talk about strength, integrity and dreaming about what you can do as a woman.

This is affecting our 12-to 15-year olds. As I minister in my home church and travel, I find myself talking with very old 13-year-olds who are already cynical about relationships, about family, and about sex.

So, it seems like there have been rapid changes in the lives of teens brought on by society and the media.

Yes, this is a change from our girls of just five years ago.

Their role models show the spin of cash and flash and quick hookups, but fail to show the emptiness of that lifestyle. When our girls try to imitate that, they discover the reality and then they feel burned.

How do you reach out to encourage teen girls to stay pure in the face of all these worldly temptations?

My ministry with young girls has become very much a conversation about self-worth and value in the eyes of Christ, and how to set boundaries no matter what our culture says or doesn’t say. I don’t so much teach the “don’ts.” They understand the term “my baby’s daddy.” They see the girl walking down the hall with her backpack and diaper bag. What they need to hear are the “do’s.”

I’m in constant contact with teens through my Real Teen Faith website and blog. The questions they ask might stagger some parents, but the harsh truth is most of these questions are coming from 13-and 14-year-olds.

I’m so glad you’re out there on the front lines, helping teenagers to deepen their faith. Does it help having a blog to communicate with teenagers?

Yes, I receive e-mails every day from teens, so my new blog allows me to stay current. Xanga, Facebook, Blogs, and MySpace are where teens live, so I want to park on that cyber street. My blog will have a new look very soon.

Some of us know about bloglifts! Suzie, I read in your Real Teens, Real Issues book that you call today’s youth a “generation of seekers.” What do you mean by that?

If you call yourself a Christian, you are subjected to close scrutiny. Are you a hater? Are you intolerant? Are you judgmental? Why do you believe the way you do? That has caused our teens to think carefully before they commit to their faith. When they do commit, they run after God. They aren’t perfect, but they want to carry their faith outside the pew and into real life.

Teens are looking for people to love them — not so much to fix them — but show them Christ’s love and the meaning of destiny. They are also looking for real relationships. They want to know that people can really know God and see what that means. They hear a thousand different messages about faith and truth, and it’s all very convoluted, but when they see someone who really loves God and is committed and intimate with God, they want to know what’s up and how to get plugged in.

That is so cool. Now, do you have any recommended resources to help parents of teens know how they can get their kids plugged in to a right relationship with Christ?

I write a monthly column for parents of teens at cbn.com. My latest column was titled: “How to Have a Good Fight” and can be found here.

That sounds like an oxymoron — I’d like to hear what you have to say on the “good fight!” haha.

I also have a new book out for parents who were raised in dysfunction and want to give their children something greater. It’s called The Mom I Want to Be: Rising Above Your Past to Give Your Kids a Great Future. It will be released in July through Harvest House, but is available for preorder from Amazon right now.

Another book I wrote is called Real Teens, Real Stories, Real Life, which is written FOR teens. It’s stories from teens about faith and real life. It can be given to any teen at any stage of their faith walk.

It shares powerful messages from their peers about God and things like self-injury, family, image, addiction, peer influence and more. They can read one story or poem or chapter at a time. It’s written just for them, like Chicken Soup with an edge.

My earlier book for parents is the one we talked about yesterday, Real Issues, Real Teens: What Every Parent Needs to Know. It’s also useful for youth pastors, and anyone who loves teens.

All these books are available on amazon.com, bn.com, christianbook.com and more. They should be in bookstores; if not, ask them to order it.

Or if you want an autographed copy, my e-mail address is tseller@daretobelieve.org. I charge $10 for the teen book and $13 for the parenting book, Real Issues, Real Teens, and media mail shipping. You can pay through paypal or send a check. If the book is for your teen, be sure and tell me their name so I can personalize it to them.

If someone wants to buy in bulk (10 copies or more) I’ll pay the shipping. I really would love pastors, youth pastors, and organizations that love and work with teens to have a copy in hand for their parents and staff.

Do you recommend any Bible studies that would be useful for teens to get together and talk about their faith?

Yes, I wrote a discipleship series that will be coming out in Winter/2006 through Kregel. The first book in the series is called Making It Real: Whose Faith Is It Anyway? It’s in-depth, but written just for teens to take their faith to the next level. These are not fluff d-books, but designed for teens hungry for God and truth and real-life application. There will be six books in that series.

Six books! Wow — you must be busy working on these! Well, Suzie, we can’t thank you enough for visiting here and for giving us your advice, encouragement, and resources! You make me look forward to the teen years.

Thanks for letting me hang out with you guys!

Suzie Eller does a lot of speaking, so if you’re looking for a retreat leader or have another function in need of a speaker for teens, be sure to stop in and check out her speaking schedule at Real Teen Faith!

A couple of months ago, we had a discussion here about Teens in the Blogosphere. That post is still one of my most highly viewed from the search engines.

Yet I feel completely inadequate to be any kind of authority on raising teenagers, since my own children are all much younger.

Since I know there’s a real need for wise advice on raising teens who have good character and love God, I asked author and speaker T. Suzanne Eller if she would come visit. And she said yes!

Let me tell you a little about T. Suzanne Eller (Suzie). She’s been married for 26 years and is the mom of three 20-something young adults. Not one to sit around an empty nest, Suzie is the author of three books, with two new books to be released in 2006 and five more in 2007!

Besides books, she has written over 500 articles for magazines such as Today’s Christian Woman, Pray!, Guideposts, Woman’s World, and numerous others. She has also published several essays in Chicken Soup books. Suzie is a nationwide ministry speaker to teens, parents of teens, and women. She’s an advocate for teens and family and has been featured on over 100 media programs such as Focus on the Family, Mid-Day Connection, Aspiring Women, KLove, Prime Time America, and many others.

In her spare time (haha), she’s a youth culture columnist, as well as a parenting teens columnist for CBN.com. You can reach T. Suzanne Eller at her website, Real Teen Faith. Her contact information is here.

Thanks so much for visiting us here at Mom 2 Mom Connection, Suzie! You’re an amazingly busy woman. In your book, Real Issues, Real Teens, you present such a positive view of today’s teens. It’s a refreshing viewpoint. Why do you feel there’s something special about this generation of teenagers?

They’re so open and honest — and intelligent. They’re also troubled, many of them, but that makes them very open to spiritual matters. They aren’t afraid to ask the tough questions or open their lives for inspection. Sometimes that puts people off — their honesty — but I love it!

Can you tell us how you went about writing this book?

I’m always amazed at speakers and writers who talk about what’s going on in youth culture and with teens, but who never actually spend any time with them. I don’t mean to be critical, but I think that underestimates what teens can bring to the conversation.

I wanted to write a book that was a collaboration between me and as many teens as I could talk with. It ended up being a nine-month conversation with hundreds of teens from around the nation.

A nine-month conversation. That sounds like an eye-opening experience!

It was. There were times when I would receive an e-mail or a survey and put my head down on my desk and weep. It’s that honesty again! I received an in-depth view of youth culture, family, relationships, church and faith, and more from a teen’s point of view. Some of it was heartbreaking.

Did your research and writing have an effect on you personally?

This conversation not only changed me as a youth worker, it changed me as a mom. One day I was reading something a teen had written and I saw myself in it. I sent an e-mail to my oldest daughter and apologized for something I had done her senior year. She responded with an e-mail saying, “Mom, it’s not a big deal, but the fact that you recognize that is so great!”

That sounds like the writing process itself was powerful. Have you always had a heart for working with teenagers?

I grew up in utter dysfunction. I didn’t believe in God, so when I was 15 and discovered faith, there were adults who poured into my life and taught me about God. They may never realize the extent to which they shaped my faith. They had no clue about the hardships I was facing at home. They simply loved me and pointed me toward Christ.

I wanted to do the same. I’ve been working with teens for over 18 years. I recently moved from a volunteer in the youth department (youth staff and discipleship) to discipleship leader for college age and twenty-somethings. We were graduating lots of teens each year who were in love with God, but who lost their way after they left.

Our church wanted to create a strong network for students after high school so now I’m helping with a Saturday night service and teaching discipleship on Sunday mornings. I miss my teens, but I love this new role.

Does your book offer any practical tools for parents of today’s teens?

Yes, it’s a practical book with step-by-step helps at the end of each chapter. It’s also an in-depth look at issues that matter to your teen. This book allows you to hear the heartbeat of teens. Here are just a few of the topics found in the book:

— Five reasons a teen doesn’t always talk, but what he/she would say if they could
— How to foster effective communication with your teen
— What you teach your teen about God – positive and negative – and what they say they need to make it in today’s culture as a believer
— A reality check over the pressures teens face and how badly they need a safe place to talk about them (and they want that to be mom or dad). This is an eye-opening chapter that EVERY parent needs to read.
— Five things that make home a great place to live – and the things that make it difficult
— How to mend broken relationships with a parent/teen
— How to have a GOOD fight
— How to really listen and freak out later
— And so much more. . .

I still have a few more years until I’ll have a houseful of teens, so I’m very glad to have people like you going before me clearing the path. Do you have any advice to encourage parents who are raising teens today?

The single greatest need of teens is acceptance. If they don’t find it at home, they’ll look for it at church. If they don’t find it at church, they’ll look for it with friends. If they don’t find it with friends they’ll keep looking until they find it and that’s where they get in trouble.

It’s not easy raising teens. There were times when I sat in my bedroom in the dark and told God, “I don’t have a clue.”

I had to set boundaries and set reasonable consequences and pay attention to details. I had to learn how to communicate effectively and LISTEN. But most of all I needed to let my kids know that I loved them. Even when they screwed up. I believed in them. We were their safe place.

It’s important that we not forget that parents are the most powerful influence on a teen. I think we forget that sometimes especially when we consider all the other influences. Don’t give up. Don’t underestimate the thumbprint you are leaving on your teen’s life. One day when the dust clears you’ll see the results.

You matter in your teen’s life, even when it seems like you don’t. They need you and love you, and even when they don’t say it, they are thankful you are part of the process.

Thank you so much, Suzie! Your words have been so inspiring!

I’ve enjoyed it. Thanks for letting me share one of my favorite topics!

Tomorrow, Suzie will be back to tell us about some changes she’s seen take place in the lives of teens in the past five years. You won’t want to miss this. She’ll also tell us why she calls today’s teens a “generation of seekers” and how we can see this in a positive light.