Well, I’ve gotten behind on all things bloggy, so I missed reading about Shannon’s Works-for-Me-Wednesday Birthday Edition, which was … um … last Wednesday. But since she still has her Mr. Linky up, I’ll send my tip in late.

With five children, we host a LOT of birthday parties around here. I really love entertaining kids, yet I’m not a Martha Stewart, and we don’t have a big budget for these things. What I enjoy most is getting to know the mothers of my kids’ friends. And a birthday party is an easy excuse to get people together.

The best kind of party for me is a laid-back affair where the kids run around and play outside and the parents sit around talking. I’ve discovered the easiest time to host a birthday party — for our family, at least — is on a weekday.

When my oldest children were toddlers, I usually liked a weekday party from 11 to 1. Since all of my close friends at the time were fellow SAHMs, it was pretty much like a play group, except I provided PB&J sandwiches and cake. The moms talked, the kids played. Then everybody went home and took naps. Easy.

As my kids have gotten older, we’ve opted for the 4 to 5:30 pm time slot, preferably on a Friday. That way, some of the moms who work can still attend if they can get off early. Moms with school-age kids can pick up their kids at school, swing by Wal-Mart and stuff something into a gift bag (don’t you do that?), then come over.

The reason why I like weekday parties is that there’s so much more hype and expense involved with big weekend bashes. This also leads to more stress for me — because I feel like people expect more on the weekend. Plus, I’m interrupting their Saturday afternoon plans.

Some years, I haven’t felt like hosting at my house, so we’ve had them at parks with a playground. Most of the parks have a covered pavilion, in case of rain.

For my son who has a July birthday, we’ve done a few evening cookouts, when the sun has gone down a bit. I guess our favorite one so far was a pirate party, where my husband led the kids down to the creek to search for “hidden treasure.” (We hid a cooler full of party favors and let them “follow the map” to find it.)

Yesterday, we worked on making invitations for my daughter’s 7th birthday. She asked if she could invite her whole first grade class over, including her teacher. OK. She only has 13 in her class, so I can handle this. We were going to do a tea party, but since the boys are coming too, we’ll just do a “backyard fun” party. Swingset, sandbox, frisbees, nerf footballs … maybe I’ll invest in some bubbles. And that’s it.

I really love birthday parties. Some parents have the budgets to go all out and invite entertainment and do the whole nine yards, but we keep things simple. I also prefer to invite the whole family; that way I get to know the siblings, and I can see who has kids the same age as mine. (Older siblings are great help for organizing games!)

There is really only a small window of time when your kids will want to do these kinds of parties. I remember growing up, that as I got older, I wanted to invite only a couple of friends and maybe go out to eat instead of having a party.

When we homeschooled, we often squeezed in a lunchtime birthday party, then the moms could go back home and finish the schoolday. Now I try to work around traditional school hours.

My kids get so excited about making the invitations and stuffing goody bags (though at times, we’ve just handed out bubbles or balls for party favors). This summer, we’re hoping it will work out to host a rocket-themed party, and we’ll let the kids make rockets and shoot them off in our backyard.

I’ve also learned it’s best to go ahead and buy thank-you notes along with the invitations — and get them done AS SOON AS POSSIBLE after the party. I confess, some years are just crazier than others, and we haven’t always gotten thank-you notes written, but we do try.

This works for us!

I recently discovered a wonderful site for moms-to-be. It’s called Baby Names Country, started by Veronica and Daniel Russell.

There are few decisions more difficult than choosing a name for your baby, and this site makes it easy to look up thousands of names and their meanings. You can also search for names from different countries.

The Russells started their non-profit website to help honor the memory of their son, Gregory, who died four years ago from a serious illness. “He was just two years old, we loved him very much, and miss him greatly. The pain of loss and memories of him will always live in our hearts.”

They now have an adopted daughter, Caroline, whose name means “Little and Strong.” They hope to help other parents discover the rich meanings of baby names as an aid to picking out the name of their child.

The Russells say, “We hope our site will be helpful to you in finding the perfect name for your baby and the name you choose will bring only happiness for your baby in future.”

I have to add that this site is also helpful for fiction writers who are searching for a character’s name in a story. It’s so easy to browse through the variety of names and meanings on this site. Finding the right name can sometimes fuel an entire plot, as a character learns the meaning of his or her name.

Enjoy Baby Names Country!

Our family recently enjoyed seeing this adorable canine movie, Firehouse Dog.

I loved it because the main theme centered around the restoring of a father/son relationship — and the actor, Josh Hutcheson, is the same wonderful kid who starred in Bridge to Terabithia.

You can read my review of it here.

Terry Whalin at The Writing Life blog just returned from the national meeting of the AJSA (American Society of Journalists & Authors) held in New York. This is the leading organization of professional nonfiction writers, with nearly 1300 members. Every year, awards are given for the most outstanding pieces of nonfiction writing.

For the first time, this year the AJSA sent out a press release with links to the winning articles. If you’re looking for ways to improve your writing, read through some of these articles and see if you can figure out why they won awards.

In particular, if you’re a parent of a teenage daughter, you should read Lisa Collier Cool’s Rescuing Rosalie, Part I and Rescuing Rosalie, Part II, as published in The Ladies’ Home Journal. This is the traumatic story of how the Cool’s teen daughter ran away from home and what happened. Lisa writes, “For eight unbearable days after our 16-year-old daughter disappeared, we had no idea where she was or if she was even alive. Our frantic search introduced us to a strange and shocking teen subculture we had been completely blind to.”

I hope you’ll bookmark this link and take some time to check out Lisa’s award-winning story over the weekend. It’s very powerful.

Did you know it’s National TV Turnoff Week? Now you have a GREAT excuse to tell your kids why they can’t watch TV this week. YEA! You have a ton of support, so join in the FUN!

Click here to learn everything you need, including information about essay and poster contests.

Be brave! Be bold! DON’T TURN ON YOUR TV THIS WEEK!!! You can do it!!!

P.S. Books and board games make nice alternatives to TV.

Author and speaker Trish Berg is here today to show us how to simplify our mealtime routines. She has a passion for encouraging families to get back to the dinner table, which she shares about in her new book, The Great American Supper Swap.

Trish is a mom of four who lives on a 200-acre beef cattle farm in the heart of Ohio, just north of Amish country. She’s an avid reader, scrapbooker (when she finds time!), and has been a MOPS mom for over a decade.

Her syndicated weekly column runs in The Daily Record Ohio newspaper and Christian-mommies.com, as well as several regional parenting magazines. And she also teaches part-time at a community college! Trish is one busy mom, and I’m so glad she’s made time to stop in for a visit.

Trish, welcome to Mom 2 Mom Connection! Can you tell us how you got started supper swapping?

Almost five years ago, I was struggling with my daily to-do list, like most moms, and running myself ragged in the process of trying to get dinner on the table.

One of my girlfriends, Carla, had heard of supper swapping, and asked me if I wanted to give it a try. I figured I had nothing to lose except that “4:30 and nothing’s in the oven” panic.

I knew dinner was important to my kids; I just didn’t know how to make it happen. So I gave it a try with three girlfriends and was amazed at how it blessed my life.

I didn’t set out to write a book. I simply want to simplify my family supper. But when I discovered the simplicity and adaptability of supper swapping, I knew I needed to share this with other moms who could be blessed by it like I was.

Why do you think this idea of swapping meals is helpful for busy moms?

Today’s research shows that only 50% of American families eat dinner together regularly. That is an amazing loss of family time, time to communicate and connect with each other.

Even when families are eating together, 34% of those meals are fast food or take-out. That is so unhealthy, with added fat, sodium, and cholesterol; not to mention how expensive it is.

Let’s face facts — moms everywhere need help to re-claim dinner. I think most moms would easily agree that the family supper is important; they just don’t know how to make it happen.

When a mom begins to swap suppers, how is her life impacted?

Supper swapping is ideal for busy moms not only because it simplifies dinner, but it also reduces stress and adds deeper friendships to their lives at the same time.

Supper swapping:

* Cuts cooking time 80%
* Saves families up to $4,000 a year
* Reduces a mom’s stress
* Helps families to eat healthier
* Creates a greater sense of community
* Adds deeper friendships to your life

If we wanted to start our own supper swapping group, what steps would we need to take?

I always tell moms to start simple. Ask one girlfriend or neighbor to begin swapping supper two days a week. See how it goes. You can always add another mom to your group down the road.

In other words, don’t stress about getting four friends to swap with to cover the whole workweek. Don’t put off trying it because you can’t get that many. Just start with who you have and see where God leads you.

Here’s how you can get started:

* Get Organized — Ask a few close neighbors or friends to form a supper swapping group. Use a 3 month trial period to see how it goes.

* Plan Meal Calendars — Plan meals for three months and mark who is bringing what meal on what days and times. (You can print free calendars at my website.)

* Be Honest — Be honest and up front about food likes, dislikes, and even possible food allergies to avoid problems down the road.

* Have a Back-up Plan — Try to have a back-up plan for meal delivery if you can’t be home to receive the meal when it is delivered.

* Use Recipes That Work — Choose recipes to start with that are your family favorites.

* Cash in at the Check-Out — Buy in bulk and plan your grocery trips to save money.

* Pan-Damonium — Either buy identical 9×13 glass baking pans with blue snap on lids or use disposable pans to swap meals in to save chaos.

* Enjoy the Ride — Relax and enjoy the ride. Remember to cherish the friendship above the swapping group when someone chooses to leave.

What do we have in store for us if we pick up a copy of your book?

The Great American Supper Swap has so much packed between the pages.

Of course, I share some funny and touching stories about my own supper swapping experiences. Like the time Carla spilled a gallon of Taco Soup in her minivan, (and how to avoid that yourself!).

Or how my supper swapping girlfriends fed my family during the weeks when my newborn was in the hospital with RSV.

There are also tips in each chapter like how to get started, cash in at the check out and save up to $4,000 by supper swapping, and advice to help moms along the way.

There are also practical things like a pan formula so you know how many new pans to buy depending on how many moms are in your group. It’s a lot less expensive than moms think!

But supper swapping is also about family and friendship. At the end of each chapter there is a Potluck Activity, a fun game to play with your girlfriends.

And there is also a chapter with kid-friendly, fun mealtime prayers you can say or sing at the dinner table.

And, of course, our BEST supper swapping recipes are included to help you get started.

Do you have a favorite recipe?

Oh, wow. That’s a tough question. I love Teri’s Autumn Soup, Carla’s Mandarin Salad, and yum, Grape Delight for dessert. Sorry, that was more than one!

Thanks so much, Trish. You’ve given us so many great ideas! Do you have a last bit of advice for us?

Though I have been a supper swap mom myself for almost five years and LOVE supper swapping, my passion is to get families back to the dinner table. Supper swapping is just one great way to do that.

Each family needs to find what works for them, whether it’s once-a-month cooking, buying meals from Dream Dinners, or simply eating Mac & Cheese. The food is secondary to the importance of gathering around the dinner table as a family.

Each and every mom out there needs to know that your family dinner is vital to your kid’s success for their lifetime.

Studies have shown that children who eat dinner with their family on a regular basis are 60% less likely to smoke cigarettes, 50% less likely to use drugs, and 66% less likely to drink alcohol.

So I guess my advice would be to find a way that works for your family and get back to the dinner table however you can.

I hope and pray that The Great American Supper Swap does help families gather around their dinner tables again. That’s my biggest prayer for this book.

Trish Berg offers a bounty of goodies at her website, TrishBerg.com, where you can read some of her articles, blog posts, and sign up for her free “Trish’s Tip of the Week” newsletter that is packed with fun ideas and recipes for busy moms. You can also read a great article by Trish in Today’s Christian Woman

P.S. If you leave a comment here by Friday at 5 pm, you’ll be entered into a random drawing to win a FREE copy of The Great American Supper Swap, mailed to you by Trish!

We have a wonderful guest today, Sheila Wray Gregoire. Sheila has a heart for ministering to women who need encouragement in their homes and marriages, and she writes the “Reality Check” syndicated newspaper column. As the author of four humorous, inspirational books, Sheila has so much to share with us!

Hi Sheila. Welcome to Mom 2 Mom Connection! How did you get interested in ministering to women?

Well, it turns out I was born a woman. Honestly. I don’t think I ever was a kid. I had a lonely childhood, due to my parents’ divorce, but I always knew that God loved me. And I knew that the only hope I had of finding my own peace as an adult was to make sure I was smack in the middle of God’s will for my life.

Have you always wanted to be a writer?

How I got started writing is a funny story. I never meant to. When my son was in the hospital, I overheard a nurse tell another nurse a really funny story of something she had done that weekend. I sent it into Reader’s Digest and made $160!

Wow! I’ve heard it’s really tough to get into Reader’s Digest. Way to go!

I figured that was pretty easy money, so I started writing for magazines. And that’s when I realized that I could use writing as a way to help other women find joy in their lives. It’s been a really fun ride!

Can you tell us a little about your family?

I have two girls who pick at each other like crazy and love each other whole-heartedly. The dinner table is far too full of jokes about flatulent gas and belches for my liking, but what can you do? Rebecca is 12 and Katie is 9, and we hoped they’d grow out of it, but perhaps that’s wishful thinking.

I’ve been married to Keith for 15 years, and happily married to him for about 11. Those four years factor quite heavily in my book, Honey, I Don’t Have a Headache Tonight!

I’m also the mom to Christopher, a baby who will forever be 29 days old, the age he was when he left us and went to be with Jesus. You face a crossroads when you lose a child. Keith and I decided we were going to cling to each other and not let his death pull us apart, and I’m so glad that we did.

Sheila, I read your story, The Least of These, about losing Christopher, and it ministered to me, as I’m sure it touches all who read about your experience.

I write more about what we went through in my latest book, How Big Is Your Umbrella, to help people who are yelling and raging at God, to hear the things that he often whispers back during our darkest times.

You’ve written several other books to encourage women. To Love, Honor, and Vacuum has the hilarious subtitle, “When you feel like a maid more than a mother.” How did you come up with that?

I don’t know how I come up with my titles. They always appear before the book does. I have about 10 other good titles in my head, but I don’t know what those books are supposed to be about! Hopefully it will come to me.

Do you have any suggestions for those of us who are feeling a little burned out on the never-ending housework treadmill?

If you’re feeling burned out, I think it’s important to remember this: God cares more about you than he does about the size of the dust bunnies under your bed. So relax! Stop aiming for perfect. Your house is never going to be perfect all at the same time anyway, so why try?

When we aim for perfect, we cocoon. No one can ever come over because they might see how we really live! So we spend our lives yelling at our kids for making messes, and watching the Home & Garden channel and feeling so depressed and guilty that we pull out the bag of chips. It’s completely self-defeating.

We need our homes to be comfortable. We don’t need them to be perfect. And there’s a big difference. Perfect means people are scared to come in because they might mess something up. Comfortable means people feel like they can be themselves.

Of course, comfort implies a certain level of cleanliness. You can’t be scared of catching some communicable disease in the bathroom or kitchen. But it’s okay if your knitting is lying around. Mine sure is!

Is it possible for us to get our husbands and children to help out with the housework?

Children—absolutely! You mean they’re not already?? Husbands, we’ll get to that in a minute. That’s a little thornier.

But kids need to be doing housework. Not helping with housework. Because it’s not your job! It’s theirs, too. Think of it this way: the best gift you can give your future daughter-in-law is a son who cleans toilets. That will be a good marriage!

Wow! I never thought of it that way. I’ve got some training to do! Sheila, what kind of housework do you think kids should be able to do?

By “housework”, I don’t mean tidying their rooms and making their beds. That’s just looking after themselves.

Kids need to be trained to think of others. Even a three-year-old can dust a coffee table, albeit not well. In my book, I outline a way we can tie allowances to chores, so that kids learn to manage money, too. But get kids working! It’s important for character development, and it’s important for your sanity.

As for husbands, it would be very nice to have them help, and I have lots of tips in my book of how you can encourage them in that regard. But a word of caution: you can’t make him do anything, nor should you. And nagging never works.

Men thrive on appreciation, not condemnation. If we appreciate them when they do help, rather than point out how they did it wrong, they may be more inclined to help again.

I also think it’s more important for men to help with the childcare than to help with the housework. Each family is different, and in some families the husband works outside the home a lot more than the wife does.

It’s probably more appropriate there that she does more of the housework. But he still needs to spend time with the kids, no matter how much time he spends at work. When my husband was working ridiculous hours during his medical training, I didn’t want him to come home and vacuum. I wanted him to come home and bathe the kids. And I still think that’s a good rule!

Right now, I’m typing this and he’s reading to my daughters before bed. And I’m perfectly content, even though the dishes need doing.

Does housework really have an impact on marriages?

You betcha. Just ask any woman who feels taken for granted! The problem, I think, is that women today are often run ragged with keeping up with the house, and the kids, and the dentist appointments, and all that stuff that men find rather boring and not that important.

And if women feel like they do the “boring” stuff, while men get to do the fun stuff, like working, then they can feel like their husbands don’t really respect them. They just expect their wives to be there to look after them. Well, what’s the difference between that and hiring a maid, other than what happens after dark, so to speak?

I’m glad you’re bringing this point up — because I sometimes feel like a maid. Since I’m a stay-at-home mom, I feel like I shouldn’t ask for help with housework. (It’s my job, right?) My husband works all day and spends three hours in the car commuting. But I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who feels this way.

In the book, I recount the story of my friend Diane, who was feeling very disrespected. “Every day,” she told me, “I lay out his clothes, look after the kids, pick up after everybody, make dinner, and then he gets home and eats it in front of the TV. He goes out with the friends, and he never offers to bathe the kids or anything. Then he gets back late, and you know what he wants?” (I think we all know what he wants.)

Diane felt like he never showed her any appreciation or respect. And when women feel that way, it’s really hard to feel intimate with our mates.

What To Love, Honor and Vacuum does is to show women how we can change how we act. When we do that, he’s bound to change, too.

But even if he doesn’t, we’ll still end up happier and more at peace. It’s taking control back into our own hands, and going to God for our fulfillment, rather than trying to “fix” our husbands. And when we take steps to act appropriately, and to be neither doormats nor tyrants, it’s amazing how our relationships can improve.

That sounds so helpful! Sheila, from your time spent speaking and writing to women, what do you think is the biggest challenge facing today’s mothers?

We expect way too much of ourselves. Fifty years ago, when my father-in-law was a boy, his mother would make him a sandwich, and then he would run off to an ice pond a mile away from their house with eight other boys and play hockey all day.

No adults around. No helmets. No protection whatsoever. And she was considered a good mother.

Today, we’d be reported for that. Our culture has completely changed. And we expect ourselves to have perfect kids and perfect homes and sometimes even a perfect career, and we forget that all God wants is that we be obedient. And He doesn’t ask us to have perfect living rooms. He asks us to share who we really are. And it’s okay to not be perfect. And it’s much more fun!

That’s true! Can you tell us more about your latest book?

How Big Is Your Umbrella: Weathering the Storms of Life, is a little bit different for me. I usually write strictly about parenting, but this book is about losing — losing a child, losing a job, losing a marriage, losing whatever is dearest to us.

So often when a friend is hurting we don’t know what to say. This book is short and non-threatening, a good gift for a friend who needs some encouragement.

Do you have any closing advice for today’s moms who are feeling a bit frazzled — but want to hang in there and be the best wives and moms they can be?

God first, husband second, you third, kids last.

I think we tend to completely reverse that. But give God time, even if it means praying in the bubble bath while eating chocolates. And don’t let kids interfere with your marriage! Kids need you to have a strong marriage, even more than they need you to spend a lot of time with them. Get those priorities straight, and everything falls into place.

Thank you so much, Sheila! This is great advice!

Sheila Wray Gregoire writes a syndicated newspaper parenting column, Reality Check, which she sends out by ezine every week. You can sign up for it here, and you’ll be entered in a draw to win a bunch of Sheila’s books and audio recordings! She’ll make the draw April 30.

I have a new column, The Parent Muse, which will appear bi-monthly at Spirit-Led Writer webzine. I’ll be highlighting successful authors who are also parents and will focus on encouraging the rest of us who feel called to write — in between diaper changing, carpooling, and heating up dinner.

Editor Lisa Crayton is always looking for inspirational articles and stories. In the Writer’s Guidelines, she says:

SPIRIT-LED WRITER is a resource for Christians who write in fiction and non-fiction genres for Christian and secular markets. It is for the beginner, intermediate and advanced writer.

As an alternative to secular writing resources, we choose to uplift the name of Jesus Christ, and give Him glory. Thus, we promote Spirit-led excellence and integrity in publishing. At SPIRIT-LED WRITER we recognize that our achievements come “not by might, nor by power, but by the Spirit of the Lord” and that “all things work together for our good.”

This month, I offer tips from three successful children’s authors: Katherine Paterson, Madeleine L’Engle, and Jonathan Rogers. I hope you’ll find a minute to check out the whole March issue of Spirit-Led Writer.

Pastor and author John Piper’s father passed away this week. In his blog, I found Piper’s Tribute to a Faithful Father to be one of the most moving essays I’ve ever read on fatherhood. It’s adapted from a sermon Piper once gave for Father’s Day.

I thank you heavenly father for my earthly father. What a legacy he has left to me and my children and grandchildren—and to this church. O, raise up fathers in this church with great legacies of faith. In Jesus Christ. Amen.

I hope you’ll have a chance to read it, a powerful reminder of the need for today’s men to rise up and be the godly fathers our children need.

Edit: Here’s a new tribute posted today on John Piper’s blog entitled, Hello, My Father Just Died. This was written only moments after Piper’s father slipped away into eternity. Every sentence is so poetic and beautiful, I dare not quote a single word out of context. I hope you’ll have a chance to read it — and pray for John Piper to continue on with his father’s legacy.

Surprise! Such a lovely topic on this chilly February morning. I know … I normally discuss something more pleasant such as books. But today I want to track a little progress we’re making on the “toilet training” front (which started today).

By default, I think I’m an expert in potty training. This is my 5th time through this process! I’ve figured this thing out, so why not pass along what I’ve learned? Maybe this will help some mom out there who is entering this exact same stage I’m in.

Our youngest daughter will be two years old in April, and this is the perfect time to start potty training. She wakes up dry from her naps, she’s bright (of course I have to say that), she has older siblings she wants to keep up with … and I’m tired of buying diapers.

Here’s my #1 piece of advice on all this: it’s up to the mom (or dad) to decide when it’s time to start toilet training, not the child. It seems like most breezy magazine articles I see in parenting magazines make it seem like it’s up to the child.

Well, here’s the truth: notice who the advertisers are for these magazines. Disposable diaper companies. They’re making millions/ billions off making poor parents feel like young two-year-olds can’t be potty trained. They’re making huge size 6 diapers so that even four-year-olds are still in diapers. And so they find writers who will support them by writing articles that put the child in charge. Plus, it sounds nice and makes parents feel less guilty for putting it off another year.

That’s my philosophy. I’m a Gen-X parent, and I fell into that way of thinking when I used to read secular parenting magazines that came to my house free before my first child was born. I didn’t realize how they were slowly brainwashing me into thinking I didn’t know what I was doing.

Your child is not in charge: you are. Every child would rather wake up clean and dry wearing cotton pants rather than a wet or dirty diaper. Every child! They just need to be trained. When the parent decides.

But I’ve also learned that little girls are much easier to train than boys — so I’m hoping this process will be quick. Boys just don’t seem to notice the mess — if they’re busy playing, they’ll just keep on playing.

Today, we got the potty seat out, cleaned it again, and I’m letting my daughter get used to it. She’s carrying it around and sitting on it while still in her diaper — like a little chair. This is step one.

I’m not in a rush with this, as I would be if it were August and I wanted her trained by September. If you’re in a rush, skip the slow, get-used-to-the-potty stage, put your child in new underwear they pick out themselves, and then just stay home for a week and put them on the toilet every hour, until they go. Then reward them — and they’ll get the hang of it.

Gradually, I’m going to try to get my daughter to use her potty — she will eventually. And then she’ll get lots of praise! Now here’s the trick I learned somewhere. Once she goes on her own, without me having to ask her, she gets a treat: one M&M candy. This really works! She will learn that going to the potty will lead to a little sweet treat.

After a few weeks, you can stop giving the reward treats. By then, she’ll just enjoy the dry feeling — and be proud of her “big girl” pants.

This is much easier done in the summer, when your child can walk around in only a shirt and underwear (or some people let them run around naked, but we just don’t do that here!) A t-shirt works fine, and modesty is good, especially in large families like ours.

I don’t know what I’m going to do when I don’t have to buy diapers anymore! I’ve had diapers on my grocery list for the past eleven years. Once we get through this, I think I’ll splurge and buy the Starbucks brand of coffee! Maybe go get a full body massage! My husband jokes that we’ll have a huge bonfire and burn the remaining diapers.

Wanna come? 😉