If you’ve been around the Christian mom blogging community for a while, you’ve most likely heard of Kelsey Kilgore, who blogs as Holy Mama. A west Texas mom of four, Kelsey recently published her first novel, A Love for Larkspur. She’s also a gifted humor writer and encourager for stressed-out, battle-worn parents.

Hi Kelsey. How’s the weather in Texas? Have you seen any more tumbleweeds lately?

Here in West Texas, it is HOT. We went to three baseball games on Saturday and at the start of the second game, it was 107 degrees. By the end of the third game it was cooling off at 100, and it felt lovely. Really! West Texas heat is dry, never humid, and that helps.

It’s so hot here, that vets recommend shaving your long-haired cats in the summer.

Isn’t he CUTE?! My ten-year old, Ethan, made the little purple shawl. I haven’t seen any tumbleweeds, but it isn’t really the season now — the best ones are found in winter.

Oh, that cat is ADORABLE — and the shawl too! Can you describe for us a typical west Texas summer scene? I mean, do people really walk around wearing cowboy hats and boots?

Why, yes …. yes you do often see hats and boots here, year-round. But that’s the exception, not the rule.

A typical scene … I don’t get out much and my life revolves around children, so bear with me. What comes to mind are endless Saturdays of kids’ sporting events, the happy shrieks of kids splashing at a swimming pool, and grilling outdoors with family. None of that sounds particularly unique to this part of the country, now that I think about it.

Oh! We feed prairie dogs sometimes, just for fun. They like pretzels and carrots.

A pretzel-eating prairie dog — now that’s definitely not something I’ve ever seen here in Georgia!

OK, I’ve been reading your blog for years. Do you think writing can help alleviate some of the major stresses moms face today?

Writing alleviates some of MY stresses as a mom. But other moms I talk to often say that writing would only add to their stress — everyone’s different. It’s not my major stress reliever — blogging, for me, is more of a tool for documenting my kids’ childhoods and these years in general.

I know this is a fast-paced time period, and I forget so much! I want to always be able to look back and see what I wrote/thought/believed during this time. I don’t mind sharing my life with whoever might be interested in reading about it — but largely, it’s written for the future me!

I agree — if I don’t write it down, I forget it! What else do you find to be a good stress reliever?

My two main stress relievers are cleaning and exercise. Preferably something fairly violent, with lots of punching and kicking of other individuals, but a punching bag will do. Since I tore my left ACL in September, I’m not cleared yet to go back to kickboxing.

In the meantime, I’m trying to build up strength and endurance so I’ll be ready for it again when the doctor gives the go-ahead in December. I haven’t always been this way — I only started exercising after antidepressants stopped working for postpartum depression after my 4-year-old was born.

Have you always wanted to be a writer?

Not really. Most of the time I don’t even think of myself as being a writer, even now. Writing was something that came very easily to me, and I knew it would always help me out in whatever I ended up doing. As it turns out, I’ve ended up mothering, mostly, with a little writing on the side. Next year all the kids will be in school full time, and maybe then I’ll be writing more — and thinking of myself as more of a writer!

Did you have a teacher or mentor who particularly encouraged you with writing?

Yes, Penny Arrington, high school English teacher extraordinaire. She was the sort of crazy-tough teacher that you either adored … or feared and had nightmares about for the rest of your life. (I mean that in a good way.)

She had super high standards and she expected every single student to meet them — and she pushed us very hard in order to help us get there. I admired that. I admired her. Still do. She’s a high school counselor now, and we had dinner about a year ago when I went back to my home town for a brief visit.

How did you get started writing fiction?

It was a God Thing. A very, very weird God Thing. One night, a very long time ago, I had a vivid dream with all sorts of interesting people. I woke up in the middle of the night and had a sense that I should make it into a book.

In order to let that crazy thought go, I prayed something I should never have prayed. I said, “God, if you want me to write that, help me remember all of it because I usually forget dreams. Amen and goodnight.” And I thought I’d go back to sleep. Instead, I stayed awake all night and scene after scene played out in my head in a way I’d never before (or since) experienced.

So the next day, exhausted, I started to write. It took almost a year. And what came out of that was truly a terrible read. But what ALSO came out of that was a whole year of hands-on learning in what to do and what not to do in fiction writing.

I learned so much from that experience — I wouldn’t trade that awful manuscript for anything! And nor would I read it again, for anything! Or subject anyone else to it — but still, it is precious to me if only in its immense personal value!

In your debut novel, A Love for Larkspur, your main character, Lark, has a close relationship with her mom. Is this based any on your relationship with your mom?

I wanted a good mom-daughter relationship in the story. At the time I wrote it, I was living here in Texas and my own mom was living in Australia. I only saw her once or maybe twice a year. I was also dealing with a mother figure in my life who was painfully, and suddenly, rejecting me.

Those feelings and issues are in there, and I intentionally wrote a strong, positive mom figure into the story so it wouldn’t come off as so “anti-mother!” That being said, my own wonderful mother is extremely different from Lark’s wonderful mother.

Do you enjoy having your mom live closer to you now? What’s your favorite activity to do with your mom?

Now that my mom DOES live close by, I’m so grateful for all the time we spend together! We like to shop or go eat or take the kids swimming. Occasionally she’ll get me to go antiquing with her (not my fave) or we’ll plant flowers or do yard work together.

For those of us who aren’t from Texas, can you tell us about larkspur? When does it bloom?

Larkspur is in bloom right this very second at my house, as you can see, next to golden Stella d’Oro daylilies.

The foliage is delicate, and ferny, and can look very much like a weed to a novice. So when we moved into our last house and a flowerbed seemed to be overrun with these little weedy plants, I tried to pull them all out.

Eventually, after ripping out thousands of them, I gave up. I was shocked to discover what the “survivors” turned out to be! And of course I wished that I’d left them alone. In subsequent years, that flowerbed recovered from my misguided efforts and every June it became a traffic-stopping display of the prettiest larkspur in town. The ones in the photo above were planted from seeds I took from our last house.

Why did you choose this name for your character?

I like unusual character names, and I love plants and flowers. It just worked out to combine the two!

In your novel, Lark enjoys jogging to ward off her stress. Do you also find exercise helps you cope? How do you make yourself go to the gym? Do you have any tips for the rest of us?

When I wrote about Lark jogging, I hadn’t started running. I’d always wanted to, but didn’t think I’d be any good and hadn’t ever tried. I’m a runner now, but I’m fairly new.

When the antidepressants stopped working for the postpartum depression, the doctor suggested hardcore exercise. And I hated this idea. Everyone else at the gym was probably skinny and knew what they were doing — and I had baby-weight and varicose veins. I had no business being there. But the drugs weren’t working and my depressed face-planting on the carpet wasn’t working out so well, so I committed.

I made myself go to the gym and exercise every single day — even though I couldn’t stand it — for six weeks. And then I noticed that I liked it. After that, I let myself go just four times a week if I wanted to, and if it felt like it was enough to keep me sane — but oddly, I usually wanted to go more frequently than that.

Now I still go because I want to. I don’t feel like I’m myself if I skip for very long. That’s all the motivation I need. (And I like to work out at home or go for a run or try other gyms. Not being tied to one location helps). But whatever motivation YOU need? Give it to yourself.

If you want to schedule it so you watch Project Runway while you’re on the treadmill, go for it. Whatever works, within reason, is worth it. Before long, you won’t need to be so creative. But don’t let yourself think, like I did, that you don’t belong or you’re not good enough, or you’ll never fit in with the skinny group. I have social anxiety issues, can you tell?

Oh! And make yourself try a class! I like almost all of them. I’m not coordinated enough for Step classes, but am not above making a total fool of myself in a Zumba class or dropping the barbell on my foot in a weightlifting class. Gyms are full of dorks like me, so it turns out, I fit right in. (And I did get skinny! And sane. Okay, well, no, that’s a total lie, but sane for ME, and I even wear shorts. Short ones!)

I read in ParentLife magazine that you’ve found blogging to be a good way to share your faith. In your four years of writing online, what has been the most positive aspect of blogging?

Overall, the most positive moments have also been the hardest. Our 16-year-old daughter has been a challenge to raise, and we’ve had a heartbreaking four years of placing her in various residential treatment centers and trying to navigate through her psychological/emotional/mental issues and stay strong (and safe) as a family. Sometimes we’ve been successful, and at others we haven’t.

My heart aches for the parents in similar situations who find me by googling various diagnoses their children have been given, and we often end up in long, tearful but supportive email exchanges. None of that happens on my website where people see it — it’s a behind-the- scenes operation that can be emotionally draining, time-consuming, and a wonderfully precious way to tell a mom or a dad, “You are not alone. And you will be okay. I have lived through this and so will you. There is life on the other side of this.”

I remember all too well those dark, hopeless periods of parenting her, and these people often write from that same desperate place — and are stunned at finding someone who understands what no one else in their life has understood. They’re good parents. They’re trying their hardest, and they’re falling apart by the time I hear from them. Those conversations are often divinely timed and inspired.

I’m honored at the way God uses my little website to bless these sweet, depleted parents. I had no idea that sort of thing would ever happen, much less, regularly. But it does, and those exhausted, often misunderstood parents are dear to me in a way I find difficult to explain. Their stories are mine as well — one I don’t often write about except in my emails to these dear strangers.

Kelsey, you have an amazing ministry. Keep it up! Who knew blogging humorous slice-of-life stories would put you on the front lines encouraging battle-weary parents?

Now, back to your fiction writing, do you have plans to write any mom-lit in the future?

Yes, well, maybe. In theory. But you know what always stops me? It feels weird to create children’s characters that are wonderful that I want to spend time with, and yet they’re not my own children. Characters become so real to me, it feels disloyal in a sense.

All the best parts of my male leads come straight from my husband, so I’ve never felt conflicted there. One day I’ll resolve that in my head and make it work. I adore writing about kids and what they say and how they think — I just haven’t transferred that over to fiction yet!

I hope you will someday! In closing, do you have any advice for moms who desire to write with a house full of kids, dogs, cats, and piles of laundry?

You can do it. It doesn’t matter if it’s good. It’s YOURS. And just because of that, it has value and so it’s worth the effort. If you want to write, you really, really, really should. If it’s for an audience one day, great! If it’s not, that’s just as great! Your thoughts and ideas and creativity deserve an outlet, and if writing is the one you choose, I applaud the choice.

Don’t let the kids, pets, and laundry be your excuses not to do it. I wrote entire book-length manuscripts while breastfeeding babies and perfecting the One-Handed Because I’m Holding a Baby ALL THE TIME And Look — There’s One On My Boob Now Isn’t He CUTE Typing Style.

It can — and should — be done, regardless of children, laundry, or other bits of Life. My mom once gave me the book Anybody Can Write, by Roberta Jean Bryant. I recommend it.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, Kelsey! You’ve offered us so many great ideas. I think we’re all ready to lasso our next challenge. Yee-ha!

Be sure to visit Kelsey Kilgore’s website and Holy Mama blog, where she rounds up her highly entertaining tales of motherhood and occasional recipes involving pine nuts.

Do you make excuses about exercise? I do. I’m still trying to get consistent. When I work out, I feel great — yet the next day, I find myself making excuses. Here are my top ten — can you add any?

1. I’m too busy. I’ve got a meeting, a deadline, an appointment, can’t squeeze it in.
2. It’s raining. When it stops, I’ll go.
3. It’s too hot. When it cools off, I’ll go take a walk.
4. I’ve already taken my shower today — better wait and exercise tomorrow.
5. I’m running late, and the step class already started. Oh well. I’ll be on time tomorrow.
6. I’m not in the mood. I’m sure I’ll be in the mood tomorrow.
7. I’m having a stressful day. I won’t be as stressed-out tomorrow. Then I can exercise.
8. My (fill in the blank) hurts. I better take it easy today, so I won’t overdo it.
9. I hate working out alone. I need someone to work out with me.
10. I got winded walking to the mailbox — doesn’t that count for exercise?

Do any of these sound familiar? My #1 excuse is that I’m too busy. Yet when I work out, I have more energy and can accomplish more in less time. How about you? What’s your biggest excuse?

Note: I found this list archived on Blisstree. I wrote this in 2006, when I was the “Lively Women” blogger for b5 media.

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You’re on your own.
And you know what you know.
And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go.

Last Sunday, our preacher recited this entire book from the pulpit. He does this every year, and every year I cry. It’s embarrassing. My kids worry about me when my face gets all crumpled and I start plowing through my purse for tissues.

The occasion is always graduation. We had nine high school seniors graduate from our church this year, and we wished them well, sending them off to great places. As soon as we got home, I pulled this book off our shelf and read it again. It was published in 1990, the last work of Dr. Seuss.

We have a little graduate in the Class of 2010 this year. Our youngest daughter finished her preschool years. This means we’ve finished out an entire decade of preschool. Our oldest started in 2000, same school, same wonderful teacher. I can’t believe this season is behind me.

OK. When I get sad, I try to remember another quote, also attributed to Dr Seuss:

“Don’t cry because it’s over; smile because it happened.”

As I reread Dr. Seuss’ Oh the Places You’ll Go, it made me realize we’re all in the Class of 2010, aren’t we? We’re all on the move. Nothing ever stays the same. All of us are finishing up something and starting something new. Or we WANT to be starting something new, but we’re scared. We’re scared of failure; we’re also scared of success.

It’s time. Let’s graduate together. I’m holding up my mug of coffee to you. Cheers!

Parents today face many challenges trying to raise children who are kind, respectful, and exhibit good character qualities. Sometimes it seems like an impossible task.

I’m in the thick of it, with my kids still in preschool, elementary school, and middle school. I have no idea how they’ll turn out, and I cringe at the thought of giving anyone advice on parenting.

Still I have hope, which is all we need, right? What I do is try to surround myself with amazing people who are experts in certain areas, and I seek them out for advice. So here, I want to point out to you a wonderful program that has been an immense blessing to our family.

You can read about the National League of Junior Cotillions on their website. In our hometown, this program reaches sixth through eighth grade students, and it’s one of those word-of-mouth things where you hear about it from somebody whose kids are in it. There’s a limited space, and it fills up extremely fast.

So I’m telling you about it now, because if you’re interested, you can look up your state on the website, find out if you have a local program, and contact the director. The directors are planning the 2010-11 season now, so if you want to get involved, now’s the time.

Here are a few topics the classes cover:

EVERYDAY MANNERS
* First impressions
* Introductions
* Greeting and shaking hands
* Paying and receiving compliments
* Correspondence
* Telephone manners
* Family dining
* Table manners
* Polite conversation
* When to rise
* Doors and coats
* Sports etiquette

FORMAL MANNERS
* Formal dining
* Party courtesies
* Hosting a party
* Receiving lines
* Eating unusual foods
* Instructional dinners

CHARACTER EDUCATION
* Honesty
* Integrity
* Promise keeping
* Fidelity
* Caring
* Respect
* Citizenship
* Excellence
* Accountability
* Handling peer pressure

ELECTRONIC ETIQUETTE
* Cell Phone Courtesies
* Phones and Digital Manners at Home
* Electronic Etiquette at Home, School, or Office
* Fax, Copier and Printer Protocol
* Digital Courtesies in Public Places
* Parent’s Guide to Electronic Etiquette

TODAY’S “NETIQUETTE”
-Rules associated with the use of web surfing, emails and instant messaging
* Responsibility
* Ethicality
* Consideration

DANCE
* Music appreciation
* Teamwork
* Timing
* Coordination
* Basic dance courtesies
* Current popular line dances
* Dance include the Waltz, Fox Trot, Cha Cha Cha, Shag/Swing,
Rhumba, and Tango.

Our local program hosts two balls: a winter ball and a spring ball. For all of us moms whose daughters have grown up reading books and watching movies about princesses, these balls are dreams come true. In the spring, the girls all wear white dresses, with elegant white gloves, and the ballroom scene creates a gorgeous picture of budding womanhood. The boys, I must add, look mighty handsome in their coats and ties.

In her novel, Betsy in Spite of Herself, Maud Hart Lovelace, describes the dance programs that were being created for the Leap Year Dance of 1908:

Tacy and Alice are making the programs. They’re terribly cute, with a bar from the ‘Merry Widow Waltz’ painted on the cover. But fifteen dances, Julia! Cab will ask me for one, of course, and Tony, and Dennie, and Pin, and Al, probably, and Squirrelly and Harry, but that’s only seven. I’ve fifteen to fill.

Over a hundred years later, I have the feeling that Maud Hart Lovelace would be pleased that girls are still filling out dance cards and waltzing through their coming-of-age years. As a parent, it was a happy experience for me, and I’m passing my joy along to you.

My five-year-old son finished preschool today and brought home his “All About Me” book. One of the pages concerned food, and the question asked, “What’s your mother’s favorite food?” He answered, “Salad and peanuts.”

Well, I guess I ought to explain, in case his teacher checks my blog! It’s cole slaw. I’ve become a fanatic lately about cole slaw, which is strange, because I’ve never been that crazy about it.

Most of the cole slaw you buy or see at pot luck suppers is dripping in mayonnaise — uh, no thanks. It’s just soggy cabbage to me, and not at all tasty. But here’s what I’ve discovered. My aging body has become less and less able to handle junk food. If I eat french fries, I feel exhausted an hour later. Same with chips, cookies, anything high carbish. Just can’t eat that way anymore.

These days, when I sit down to eat lunch with my kids, I make myself a huge bowl of this CRUNCHY ALMOND COLE SLAW that is the best stuff! So here I share my non-recipe with you — because really, you just toss a few things into a bowl.

Here’s what you need:

One bag of prewashed cole slaw — the purple and green cabbage is already slivered, and there are lots of sliced carrots in there too.

A jar of cole slaw dressing — the grocery store has it right next to the cole slaw. EASY!

Slivered almonds (or any kind of nuts that go well in a salad, like sunflower seeds)

Grape tomatoes, halved (you have to cut them in half so you make yourself feel special)

Pepper! (Lots of pepper! Freshly milled!)

Here’s the secret. You only use about a tablespoon of the slaw dressing. So that keeps the cabbage crispy. The carrots are so yummy this way — you forget that you’re eating a bowl full of raw vegetables. Mix all this together to taste, and sprinkle lots of pepper on. I love pepper — on just about everything. The freshly milled kind will get your tastebuds going.

If you’ve never been a cole slaw fan, try this. Especially if you’re addicted to eating something crunchy with your soup or sandwich at lunch. Instead of potato chips or french fries, try this cole slaw.

An hour after lunch, instead of feeling sleepy, you’ll have energy! This really works. (Especially if you don’t drink coffee or diet soda with your lunch — but that’s another blog post).

Thank you for reading this. I’m so sad about preschool ending that it made me feel better to come sit down and tap out something that may help someone else who’s struggling with energy and weight gain like me.

Love you!
Heather

I wonder how many of you feel like I do, like you’re trying to get back on track this week.

For me, that means taking a break from all those delicious baked goods I stuffed myself with during the holidays!

I’m heading back into my high-protein, low-carb “diet” for a few weeks. I hate the word diet because it’s really a lifestyle change that I want to stick with. I’ve stocked my refrigerator with yogurt and low-fat mozzarella string cheese — and I’m trying to satisfy my crunchy-salty cravings with nuts. Almonds, sunflower seeds, peanuts … much healthier than all those chocolate chip cookies I plowed through during my December stress.

I’m hoping to resume exercising this week as well — gotta love that treadmill, always waiting patiently, reminding me I’ll have more energy if I walk even just ten minutes. Can’t I at least handle ten minutes?

Our Bible study starts back this week, even though I still have a couple more posts to write about our Beth Moore Daniel study, which we finished last month! Hopefully I’ll find time this week to catch up. I’m always thrilled to hear from those of you who write to tell me about your book clubs and Bible studies.

It’s exciting to see how God works in our lives when we women get together and discuss great books!

In the new January issue of Christian Women Online, Laurel Wreath’s interview with Lisa Whelchel is so inspiring!

If you’re a busy mom seeking ways to increase your understanding of God’s Word this year, Lisa has some great tips for you.

I was blessed to pick up a copy of Lisa’s new book, A Busy Mom’s Guide to Bible Study, at the International Christian Retail Show in Atlanta last summer.

Since I was attending through CLASS Publishing Connections, my nametag said “Albuquerque, New Mexico” as my hometown. When I met Lisa Whelchel as she autographed her book for me, she said, “Oh, you’re from Albuquerque? I’ll be going there next week.” I was so tongue-tied at meeting her, I just smiled and said, “That’s great!”

There are several inspiring articles in CWO this month — I hope you can stop in and read the whole issue.

I’ve added Darlene’s “Live Well” button to my sidebar because this reminds me that I’m on a mission, like many of you, to live a healthier lifestyle. No more excuses!

My children need a healthy, energetic mom, and my husband needs a wife who’s in control of her emotions because she’s eating well and exercising! It’s a new year, a chance to start fresh with our lifestyle habits.

I need all the encouragement I can get! 🙂

As I type this, I’m escaping for a few minutes into the clean world of letters on a keyboard. What a relief!

A terrible stomach bug has moved through our house. Ugh! One of those preschool bugs. All seven of us have caught it. Good thing I’m not contagious through your screen, or you’d hate me.

My two-year-old came down with it first. I had thought maybe she’d just eaten too much Halloween candy — but it turns out that was only the beginning of what has kept my washing machine in constant use!

At any rate, I’m determined to make it through this Bible study journey, and here we are on week 8.

A few of us have already started to discuss what we’re going to study next — after the Christmas break. We’re first browsing through our church’s media supplies — to see if they’ve already purchased a study we can use. (We really enjoyed Mary Kassian’s Conversation Peace last spring and would like something like this again.)

This week was a short session for us. We didn’t have any discussion of last week’s homework! All we did was watch the video because several of the women in our group had to leave early to be downstairs for the preschool costume parade (including me). But we decided this was the best option instead of canceling.

The homework in our workbooks focused on Daniel 7, exploring the four beasts from Daniel’s dream. I’m so glad we’re studying this book chapter by chapter because I wasn’t overwhelmed at all. I recognized the four kingdoms that the four beasts symbolize.

There is a neat chart on p.138 that we filled in, showing the four empires and how they’re symbolized in Nebuchadnezzar’s dream from Daniel 2 and later in Daniel’s vision in Daniel 7. The empires are:

Babylon — golden head, lion with eagle’s wings
Medo-Persian — silver chest and arms, lopsided bear
Grecian — bronze belly and thighs, leopard with wings
Roman — iron legs, beast with 10 horns

I really enjoyed this homework, especially toward the end of the week as Beth explained very clearly the difference between amillennialism, historic premillennialism, and dispensational premillennialism. I’ve never really understood these points of view in such detail, yet I LOVE using my brain to think through these things.

Our homework includes charts that help it make more sense, and I’m definitely going to keep this workbook handy as a tool to be able to teach this someday (maybe to teens). Beth makes the point again and again that brilliant scholars disagree on these issues, and we would be wise to study the different points of view on our own.

As the week wraps up, Beth says, “You can do this, Dear One! Ask God for focus and a supernatural ability to learn … Where the healthy mind is concerned, exercise prolongs sharpness. If Scripture is brain food, eschatology is an energy bar on steroids.”

I’m still processing what we learned from the video — the history lessons are so cool to me. I went through 12 years of public school and 6 years of a public university education — so I’ve never studied world history from a Biblical point of view. Oh, I wish something greater for my children!

The people we’re learning about now are leaders of the Gentile Empires that ruled over Israel, known as the Beautiful Land. So we’re studying Alexander the Great, Antiochus IV Epiphanes, as well as Cassander, Lysimachus, Ptolemy, and Seleucus. Some of these names are familiar to me from world history classes I’ve taken — yet I only learned what I needed to know to pass a test. Now that I’m learning about the impact they had on Christianity, I’m fascinated.

More than ever, I WISH I could read the Bible in its original languages. If you’re young and haven’t gone to college yet — PLEASE don’t waste those precious years when your only responsibility is to learn! Study Hebrew and Greek!

Someday, when my kids are older, this is what I plan to do. I’m not all that great with learning languages, but I loved learning Japanese, so why couldn’t I force my brain to learn how to read Hebrew and Greek? When I read my Japanese Bible, I’m amazed at the deeper meanings I can pick up from scripture. I know that my understanding of God’s Word, limited only to English, is like drinking a watered-down Coca-Cola (you know how it tastes when the ice melts!).

I want the REAL thing!

God, thank you for giving us a hunger and thirst for your Word that comes from your Holy Spirit, inhabiting our minds. Thank you for the joy we’ve found through this study, that has unlocked some of the secrets of the Scriptures. Give us the energy and health to finish up this journey through Daniel! We love you, Lord, and want to know your Word more so that we can know YOU more. (And please help this stomach bug to move quickly through our house — and be gone!) AMEN.

It arrived last week.

Green ink, black “Panther” paw prints running up the page, and a yellow sticky note inscribed with words that made me almost faint in fear:

Heather,
Can’t wait to see you at our reunion —
Can’t believe it’s been 20 years!
Should be lots of fun!
Hope all is well.
— Kim

Yes! It’s true! My husband and I BOTH have our high school 20-year reunions this summer, a week apart.

This means I’ll need to be dancing the night away to 80s favorites like “Jungle Love” and “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.” Actually, my reunion is a whole weekend-long thing! What am I going to do when it’s 10 pm and I can’t stop yawning? I’ll look pathetic taking a nap in the corner!

The panic is beginning to set in — I’ve got to get in shape. I’ve blogged about this today over at Writer Interrupted. Let’s encourage each other to get moving!

P.S. For you writers out there, don’t you think this would make a funny plot for a mom-lit novel? The mom trying desperately to get in shape for her 20-year reunion? Dropping off her kids in the nursery at the fitness center, hauling her behind over to a spinning class, emailing her high school friends and wondering how they’ve changed …

You’re in for a treat today. I’m so excited to have Claudine Aievoli as our guest. Claudine is a precious mother of two who makes her home in Long Island, New York.

We actually met in person several months ago at the CLASS conference at the Sandy Cove retreat center.

Claudine became my buddy, my sister in Christ, and I think her testimony is one of the most powerful I’ve ever heard.

She’s a dynamic speaker and has also written a program that she’s teaching to women. She has such a heart for encouragement!

Hi Claudine. Welcome to Mom 2 Mom Connection.

Hi, Heather. Thank you for inviting me.

You’ve developed a program for women, called C.O.N.F.I.D.E.N.C.E. Can you tell us about your course?

Absolutely. When I read or listen to someone who speaks on a certain subject, I often think – what many might think — and that is, “What makes them able to speak about this topic…?”

I believe God has given me the grace and the ability to undertake talking to women about healthy, Godly confidence because I myself have experienced extremely high levels of pride and extremely low levels of inferiority, and neither path was a place for a confident woman of God.

I designed the ten-letter acronym C.O.N.F.I.D.E.N.C.E. into a class to instill a healthy, Godly esteem to women. Each letter represents tangible steps / ideas / prayers and courses of Biblical action that are practical and possible for women so they can see themselves as ‘more than conquerors’ with Christ.

The course is both instructional and interactive, making each class special and personal to its participants and to me — I am privileged for each opportunity to share God’s love with them.

How did you get started teaching your program?

I started this course after months of speaking with women and discussing the pressure we feel to be perfect. The teacher and social worker in me started to take notes of women’s stories and concerns, and I’d record them in my journal.

The pages spoke of the dichotomy between worldly inadequacies and what God says in the Amplified version of Hebrews 10:22 about “leaning our entire personalities on Him in absolute trust and confidence in:

*his goodness
*his wisdom and
*his power” (adapted from Hebrews 10:22 Amp).

God has also allowed me to experience the spectrum of ‘esteem,’ which I break down into three categories in the first class in order for each participant to determine where they currently are and where we aim to be:

1 Pride
2 Low Self-Esteem
3 Healthy, Godly Confidence. The ultimate goal is to live a balanced, confident life in Christ based on the scriptures to love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your strength; and to love your neighbor as you love yourself.

And then there are three categories we repeat out loud often. A confident woman knows:

1 …she is loved by God unconditionally.
2 …she has strengths and weaknesses; she deals with her weaknesses and focuses on her strengths.
3 …is born to win because she has God as her Source.

Do you teach this yourself? Where?

Yes, I do teach this course myself; and I also invite Christian friends to come and share their ‘stories’ at specific points in the course to inspire the participants. I have no specific location where I teach, per se, though it’s all in Long Island, NY currently.

I go where the Lord leads me through word-of-mouth and very interesting connections. I once facilitated the course as part of a church exercise group (where I participated in aerobics with the women and then got up and taught (sweat and all)!

Claudine, you sound like such a bundle of energy!

I am currently teaching the course to teen mothers at a residential home that cares for them and their babies while the young moms go to school and obtain their G.E.D. and vocational training. I am learning so much from these women who chose life for their babies.

Why did you decide to develop this program?

I decided to develop this program for many reasons; the main reason being because I wanted to help women see themselves as Christ sees them — “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14).

I wanted to effectively communicate to them how the world’s air-brushed definition of what a woman should be is full of failure, but God’s way of life is full of freedom!

That’s definitely a message today’s women need to hear! Did you ever go through a time in your life where you really needed God’s help in gaining confidence?

Oh, yes. I went from years of believing ‘I’m all that’…to living a desperate life with a motto of ‘I am worth nothing,’ after suffering a significant amount of losses that brought me to my knees.

It began with carpal tunnel surgery to my hand that was not successful (hence, I lost my prestigious career as a court reporter). I had two breast tumors removed. And then my polycystic ovarian disease led me down the path of infertility.

One day my aunt called during the midst of my childlessness to say she found a video of me when I was five. “What did I do in the video?” I asked. She said, “I asked you on video what you wanted to be when you grew up. You answered emphatically, ‘A mommy.’”

Oh, that is so sweet.

Everyone knew my deep desire to be a mommy — though I didn’t know this desire began at age five! I was supposed to be a mommy after a few years of marriage! It was supposed to happen for me when I wanted a baby, in my way, in my timing!

I was devastated being childless, and each month was another loss. I was so depressed; eventually I wouldn’t leave my house. My husband said he’d be happy still, just the two of us, but like Hannah in the Bible, the desire of my heart was not being fulfilled.

This depression went on for months, and I lost my desire to live. I wanted to die. I thought about ways to end my pain. So yes, yes, yes, I really needed God’s help in gaining the confidence He wanted me to have. But first I had to understand that God loved me unconditionally.

How did you get through this difficult time?

One dreary winter day, my husband had had it with me not getting out of bed. As he was leaving for work, he threw the T.V. remote at the bed saying, “If you’re not going to get out of the bed, at least watch the blankety-blank T.V.” He turned on the T.V. and left for work.

I watched him leave from our bedroom window. His head was hung down — (my depression was a disease and its effects were becoming contagious). Anyway, I looked at the T.V. and there was a woman I’d never heard of before, a preacher named Joyce Meyer, pointing her finger at the T.V. saying, “Jesus can heal you everywhere you hurt.”

I knew this but FORGOT it as I wallowed in my self-pity. I took a shower and removed all my makeup. I sat in front of the mirror as Joyce Meyer suggested and said one time for each year of my age, “God loves me.” I was in tears and on my knees by the time I got to 2. I made a promise to God to love Him no matter what happens.

And today, I know that I know that I know when I look at our two miracle children that Jesus does heal us everywhere we hurt. “We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed but not in despair; persecuted but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed….” (Adapted from 2 Corinthians 4:8).

Your testimony is so powerful, Claudine. Didn’t you end up becoming a guest on Joyce Meyer’s TV show?

Yes! I was privileged to meet Joyce Meyer on her T.V. program “Enjoying Everyday Life” when I was a guest for her September 6th, 2007 show called “The Confident Woman.” I believe if you visit her website, you can view the episode online.

How did these experiences lead to your new level of confidence in Christ?

Allow me to answer your question with a little background, please. Though I accepted Jesus in my heart at the young age of eight, the revelation of living a confident, Godly life did not occur until I went through infertility because for so long I was able to do so much on my own and have it work out great — God being just an added bonus for mealtime prayers and infrequent Sunday church.

I was homecoming queen in high school; I was popular, and I had a lot of friends. I went to business school and became a successful court reporter.

I had a new car, new clothes, expensive makeup and haircuts, spent a lot of time eating out, shopping, and thinking about myself. None of these areas in particular are wrong, but grouped together as a life-style without serving God or caring for others left me in a web of self-centeredness.

Then when I became depressed in a roller coaster of health crises and infertility, it was an eye-opener to me to read Jesus’ words, “These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace, but in the world YOU WILL have troubles, trials, tribulations…but be of good cheer; be certain, CONFIDENT, undaunted because I have overcome the world and deprived it of any means of harming you” (adapted from John 16:33 Amp.). Amen and Amen to the Glory of God.

God did NOT promise us easy, but He does promise to be there with us every step of the way … guiding us, directing us to live a purpose-full life.

This is where our confidence gets its roots and where teaching the program repeatedly helps my own confidence:

• We are not alone.
• Our Guide is all-powerful.
• And we are not here by accident. We did not come from webbed-foot ancestors to wander the earth defeated. We were born with a purpose, for a purpose and paid for with a great price.

When we understand that God loves us no matter what we look like, no matter when we mess up, and that He has a plan for our life, ‘a plan of good and not for evil, to give me a future and a hope…” (Jer. 29:11), our confidence IN HIM grows and then we’re able to step out in life with more assuredness.

Let me repeat: Step 1 is our confidence is based in Christ — and this gives us the assuredness to do Step 2, which is for us to actively do what it is God is leading us to do. It’s a two-fold process and the order must never change — keep God first!

With Jesus as our foundation, we are strong. We are putting our faith in Him … not in ourselves, or our clothes, or jobs, or looks, or cash, or the world or people.

God is not a crutch — He’s an anchor! Unlike clothes, jobs, looks, cash, or people which are all subject to change, God never changes … He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

Wow. You said it, girl! What do you hope to accomplish through teaching this program to women?

My prayer is that God would make me a vessel He can use to bring about change in our country and in our world.

As for now, I am privileged to have some women from my classes seek me out, ask me to pray for them, call me, and keep in touch with me to tell me they have had the confidence to “take a new job” or “complete their G.E.D.”

Some women have asked to take the course again. They say repetition helps them ‘get it’ better. I can relate to this. Just because something passes through my brain once, it’s not enough to settle into that ‘grey’ matter and become a way of life unless I hear it and practice it again and again.

I am privileged to be a vessel God is using today — especially considering how insecure I was just a few years ago! Like a gardener, I continue planting seeds and making sure my life is right with God first — balancing humility with confidence! I confidently hope for more opportunities and harvests to be cultivated.

Do you have any spiritual mentors in your life? Who has influenced you most to grow in your walk with Christ?

Absolutely! I was Catholic until we moved from Brooklyn to Long Island at the age of eight when my born-again Aunt Doreen and Uncle Eddie introduced me to HOW to have a personal relationship with Jesus.

Through my latency years, our houses were connected by our backyards. I had immediate Christian support and guidance less than 100 footsteps away.

When they moved out of state in my teen years they stayed just as connected and prayed with and for me even more. How important it is for us to have such people in our lives!

Yes, you are so blessed to have an aunt and uncle who reached out to you and made such a difference in your life.

Years later, they still send me Christian books and encouraging letters and they are also there for accountability. To be told in Christian love when you’re being stubborn and how to work on your weaknesses is just as important as hearing, ‘we’re proud of you.’

I am type-A, and I’m Sicilian, and I’m a melancholy-choleric personality; hence, I need all the prayers and accountability a person can get!

You come across as a bubbly dynamo in person — but now I can see, underneath, you’ve got a contemplative, artistic side as well.

I’m so thankful for my awesome Christian friends and sister Michelle who pray with me and study the Bible with me. I have a Bible-based pastor and church. I have loving parents and though they haven’t gone to church since 1992 when a former church hurt them deeply, I learn respect and hospitality and receive support from them.

My greatest supporter is my husband, and his encouragement and help (from computer print-outs to sharing responsibilities) is a gift from God and a sure sign to continue.

I am being mentored by some knowledgeable and powerful leaders from Concerned Women for America where I’ve been approved as a prayer chapter leader. This organization, founded by Beverly LaHaye, is designed to protect the family through prayer and action.

Mothers of Preschoolers, or MOPS, has been instrumental in my growth as a mom. I have been a coordinator for MOPS for the past few semesters and have been blessed by fellow leaders and moms of all ages in this group.

Thank you for visiting here, Claudine, and for sharing your testimony of faith with us! I hope you’ll write all this up in a book someday!

Claudine Aievoli would love to help anyone interested in learning how to have more confidence in Christ. She may be reached by email at cc1212 at optonline.net.