This week’s Carnival topic is “The Beauty of Contentment,” hosted by Bethany, and I must say this has been the most difficult one for me. I’ve wrestled with the Voice in my conscience, wondering if maybe this is the week I should skip. Lord, I don’t know what to say. You know I’m struggling with the whole idea of contentment! And He responded, Write what you know.

OK. So this is what I know.

This may not sound nice, but God doesn’t always want us to be content. At times, we’re not supposed to feel comfortable because He has something better for us. As God is moving us toward the next step in our life journey, we’re going to feel pressure and dissatisfaction — and we’ll keep feeling that way until we follow Him in obedience.

I finally read an analogy the other day that made sense to me. It’s from that inspiring book I picked up at CBA last month, Happiness Matters, by Dennis Leonard. He says, “Runners use the expression ‘hitting the wall’ when they are so physically exhausted that everything within them says to quit. They feel like they’ll die if they take one more step. But they know if they press through the pain they’ll get a second wind and the pain will be overwhelmed by the sheer pleasure of running” (p. 178-179).

I’m up against a wall right now, and I’m learning that I won’t be content and at peace unless I press through. I’m not called to sit down next to the wall and enjoy the warm sunshine and daisies; I’m called to move on, to press through, to climb over this wall I’ve never encountered before.

Those of you who read my blog regularly know the two things I’m working through now are my physical health and my home management. I’m not content with where I am in these two areas, so I’m “studying to show myself approved.” You can read about my new discoveries every week on FlyLady Fridays.

I’m not content to be in this postpartum slump either — I’ve finally reached the age where my body can’t deal with the junk I put in it as a teen or 20-something. I’ve got to purify my diet, increase my water intake, and exercise regularly or I’m on a high-speed locomotive heading toward diabetes and slothfulness. I’ve got to get off this train and board the one going in the right direction. And it ain’t easy.

I’ve also hit a wall with my writing — I’m getting to the hard part where I’m realizing the discipline and thick skin that are required to endure publication. If you’re a blogger, then you’re publishing your thoughts for all the world to see — people who might agree with you and others who won’t. Sometimes, I want to go back to that cozy safe place in my journal. When it’s just me writing a letter to God, I can let my emotions go in complete privacy, and nobody knows what I’m writing.

But this is a wall for me, and I’ve got to press through. Last weekend, I had some predators come into my blog and leave me hateful comments (cursing at me, calling me names). Since I moderate, they weren’t published, but I almost came in here Monday and wrote, “Well, this is not fun anymore. Sorry, but I quit.”

Yet God sent me to the right people — fellow writers and bloggers — who reminded me of the bullies in the blogosphere. They encouraged me to keep going, to keep being salt and light in this dark world. And so I don’t feel content to go back to my journal scribblings that nobody reads. In fact, it would be a sin for me to go back, the same way the Israelites wanted to go back to Egypt. My Promised Land comes from the connections I’m hoping to make with you, my readers. If I can encourage just one person (only one!), to have a better day, then that’s more than I would have accomplished if I’d written in my journal.

So I run. I persevere. Despite my struggles and the bullies, I’m going to keep going. I won’t feel a peace if I don’t. I’m going to drink water when I don’t want to. I’m going to walk my dog when it’s cold outside and I don’t feel like it. I’m going to eat an apple when I want to pile up a plate with cookies. I’m going to keep following FlyLady’s routines when I don’t feel like turning on my timer to do a room rescue. And I’m going to keep writing here — for as long as the Spirit compels me.

Are any of you encountering a wall in your life? Do you feel a spirit of unrest about something you’re doing or not doing? Then don’t pray for God to help you feel content; instead, pray that He’ll help you press on and break through. He has something even greater in store for you. Don’t sit down next to the wall and dream and sigh! Where do you see yourself a year from now? What will it take to get there? If you need to make a phone call or set up an appointment, then do it today. Get off the computer and do it now.

P.S. I’m going to be hosting next week’s Carnival — here! So send me your favorite recipes — the topic is “Comfort Food.” Gather your fellow blogging friends, stop by Two Talent Living for the rules, and come on in for a Valentine’s potluck. Send posts by next Tuesday at 3 pm to heatherivester at bellsouth dot net. Pull up a chair and let’s eat!