This is a reprint of a great article I read this week in the Hearts at Home newsletter. It’s written by Becky Wiese.
We females are a highly relational bunch. We are typically more expressive, emotional, and empathetic than our male counterparts.
That’s why friends are so important to us. We need the support, understanding, and encouragement from others who know what we’re going through.
For women whose career currently focuses specifically on caring for our children and nurturing of our family, friends are not only good to have around, they are vital to our survival and sanity. A professional mom’s friends are her co-workers, her peers, her colleagues.
They hold us accountable, encourage us, and celebrate with us.
Hopefully our husbands are at the head of the pack cheering us on, telling us we’re doing a great job, helping us with the parenting issues, but they are not always able to understand the issues we face in the same way another mom can.
It’s a lot like labor and delivery: Our hubbies are there to cheer us, coach us, coax us, and celebrate our accomplishment, but only another mom knows exactly what it feels like to give birth.
Similarly, only another mom can understand the emotion and commotion associated with the daily care and nurturing of children.
What’s interesting, given the importance of friends, is that often an at-home mom’s biggest challenge is dealing with isolation. While friends are vitally important to us, sometimes it’s hard to find them.
It can be discouraging to drive through your neighborhood and realize that you are the only one home during the day. It’s frustrating when you know no one with whom you can swap childcare duties — just so you can run errands in peace and quiet every so often. It’s difficult to feel that you’re a productive and valuable member of society when “all” you do is wipe noses, bottoms, and floors.
So how can you get past the isolation issue?
First, you have to get out of your house. The only at-home mom at your house is you! Go to the park, the library, the indoor play land — places where other moms tend to hang out with their kids. If your child attends school, volunteer periodically — you’ll find other moms doing the same thing.
You can also enroll yourself in a class that provides childcare during the meeting. Chances are many of the other women are just like you: Moms wanting to find other moms.
Find out if there are any support groups for moms, or babysitting co-ops, or other types of gatherings that would make it easy for you to meet other moms in your area.
Once you’ve found some friends, remember to nurture your friendships.
There is an old adage that says to have a friend, you have to be a friend. Be a giver, not only a taker, in the relationship. Be honest in your conversation, gentle in your response, and supportive in your actions.
Finally, remember there are different levels of friendship. It’s similar to the ripples made by tossing a rock in a pond. There might be one or two really close “sister” friends who are there with you “at impact,” a group of close friends who make up the first ripple, a larger group of “good” friends in the second ripple, a group of gals you know but don’t spend a huge amount of time with in the third ripple, and so on. All of these relationships are important and fill a specific role. Remember that not every acquaintance will end up being a “sister†friend, and that’s okay.
Friends help us through the ups and downs of life. There is much truth to the saying “(s)he who has found a friend has found a treasure.”
Find and treasure your friends — you’ll be blessed over and over for it.
Becky Wiese and her husband of twenty years, Mike, make their home in Bloomington, Illinois, with their four children. She is a frequent contributor to Hearts at Home publications and serves as the Director of Communications for the organization. In her free time, she enjoys sports, reading, music, and travel.
Copyright Hearts at Home 2006, used with permission. For more information about Hearts at Home: 309-888-MOMS or visit the website.
[Heather’s note: This article didn’t mention how great it is to find friendships among fellow women bloggers! I mean, how are we going to bump into a mom who lives in another country at the indoor playground? And to be honest, after a few years, my kids and I decided we’re allergic to the smell of socks at those places.]
P.S. I just can’t keep off my own blog! Stay tuned because NEXT week, we’re having an awesome lady come tell us all about the MOPS organization — Moms of Preschoolers. Here’s a great way to make new friends with moms who live near you — and if you don’t have preschoolers, she’ll tell us how you can become a mentor mom. You can visit their website and find out if there’s a group near you.
My daughters and I were just enjoying some shortbread cookies they made at their grandmother’s yesterday. Mine was shaped like a pineapple, but there are also hearts and circles. I wish you could taste them — can I hand one to you in cyberspace? Here ya go … we’re moms … we’re good at pretending.
